A Song for Sarah Palin

Congrats to McCain and his wise advisors on their outstanding choice of Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential candidate. I didn't know her before, but she's definitely a Vicious Momma and that's a good thing. She's more socially conservative than I am, but it's not a big deal.

For you Sarah Palin and all of us other Vicious Mommas:

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong

I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman

"I am Woman" by Helen Reddy

Quick Random Notes

Example of good "defensive treaty":

Neighborhood Watch Programs. Only threatens the people who want to break the laws.


Boltzmann Brains:

Impossible except when trying discuss things in the weird dimension of the internet. What I mean is that a normal intelligent brain can somehow create a disembodied piece of junk that only superficially appears to be the same as the actual physical brain.


Racism:

It's only racism when it's an American who is supposedly "wrong." But everyone else in the world can say whatever insults against Americans that their Boltzmann's brains can create and that's okay and not racism.


100% agreement/consensus:

Impossible except in the Boltzmann's brains of those who aren't Americans and those who believe in global warming.


Wishful Thinking:

The delusions that keep hope alive.


Optimism:

The road to disappointment.


Pessimism:

The nasty reality that hope really does fail and that the world is probably being overtaken by a bunch of Boltzmann's brains (disembodied pieces of junk).


Precautionary Principle:

Hurricane evacuations are NOT an example of misapplication of the precautionary principle because the danger of not evacuating has been clearly demonstrated to be worse than the inconveniences of the evacuations.


Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Technical Note

I just wanted to clarify that sometimes I use the second person narrative as is common in the style of sermonizing. I am not necessarily addressing anyone in particular, so no one should take offense when I make statements about "you." Perhaps using the second person is confusing or sloppy grammar, but if you've ever been a church-goer "you" know that preachers often use it in their sermons.

So, just remember this, just because it says "you" doesn't mean that it's always about you. ;-)

Oh, Grow Up!

At 50, Madonna just looks ridiculous trying to look 30 again. When will these women finally figure out that getting face lifts and botox and collagen implants only makes them look like old clowns instead of better? You know, having some wrinkles and gray hair isn't the worst thing in the world. There is a kind of natural, yet complex, beauty in the face of a mature woman. Why should we try to hide that?

Welcome to the Twilight Zone

Music Therapy

It's time for something uplifting. One of my favorite Led Zeppelin songs:

"In the Light" by Led Zeppelin

And if you feel that you can't go on
And your will's sinkin' low
Just believe and you can't go wrong
In the light you will find the road
You will find the road

Hey, did you ever believe that I could leave you, standing out in the cold
Ay-yay baby I know how it feels 'cause I have slipped through to the very depths of my soul, yeah
Oh woah baby I just wanna show what I'd give you
It is from every bend in the road
Now listen
Oh, whoa-whoa, as I was and really would be for you, too, honey
As you would for me, oh, I would share your load
Let me share your load
Ooh, let me share,
Share your load

And if you feel that you can't go on
In the light you will find the road

Ay oh though the winds of change may blow around you, but that will always be so
When love is pain it can devour you, but you are never alone
I would share your load
I would share your load
Baby, let me, oh, let me

In the light
Everybody needs the light.
Oh yeah yeah ooh baby everybody everybody light light light In the light, light light light in the light,light light light in the light in the light

Light, light, light, in the light
Light, light, light, in the light, ooh, yeah
Light, light, light, in the light

Actually, I got an idea for a video to make to this song, but this one will have to do for now.

A Little Too Ironic

Maybe God hasn't been as amused by me as I had thought. Or maybe the AntiChrist has put a curse on my family. Or maybe we can blame global warming. My own favorite scapegoat of the moment is the accelerating universe. Hey, if the universe is accelerating then isn't everything in it also accelerating (even out of control)? You see, I don't have any more faith in Science as I do God because no scientist has ever done any more for me than God has. At least, as all those self-righteous atheists like so say, where's the proof? ;-)

I'm not sure how many more blows I can take because I'm already feeling very beat up by all the things that have happened in the last few years, particularly this past year and a half. I'm beginning to feel like Job or something. It hasn't even been 5 months since my dad died, and just when I was thinking that I was feeling okay and all that, I've found out that I have a skin cancer. Isn't it ironic? Well, actually, I guess I've really had it 2 or 3 years but just had no clue that it was a cancer instead of a simple skin tag. But then, I have been pretty fucking busy being there for everyone else so that I probably haven't had any time for paying enough attention to my own self.

Oh, no big deal, you might think, blah, blah, blah, it's just a little skin cancer, blah, blah, blah, but if that's the case then you really haven't been paying any attention to what's been happening over the recent past. Yeah, maybe I'm taking it too hard. But you know what? It's times and experiences like this that show us who our real, true friends and loved ones are. You know who you are and who you aren't. Real friends don't dismiss us when we actually need them. Real friends don't turn away and refuse to be there because it's too inconvenient or difficult for them to deal with our crisis. Real friends don't tell us that it's too sad or stressful or depressing to be our friend. Oh, fair weather friends, what a waste of life.

And this is the lesson I've learned from atheists. Because they have no faith in anything other than their own thoughts, feelings, needs, convenience, and so and and so forth, they really can't be real friends and they really can't know real love. They are incapable of sacrificing for others, as the example of Jesus Christ did whether you "believe" in his divinity or not, because it's always all about them - what they want, what they need, what they have time and energy for, what is convenient for them, what suits them, what makes them happy, the list goes on and on...

Do I sound bitter? Well, maybe I am a little bitter about how things are turning out. I really have tried to be there for those I've considered friends and those I love. I really have tried to go above and beyond and to set aside my own needs, feelings, and wants in order to be there for my loved ones. And what do I get for all of that? (What did Jesus get for all of his sacrifice?)

ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?" that is, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

Matthew 27:46

Jesus wasn't asking God that question so much as he was asking his supposed loved ones who ran away and vanished in his time of greatest need. Well, he still swallowed his jagged little pill anyway.

"You Learn" by Alanis Morissette

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Superlative

What can I say? Those speedos don't hide much. ;-) (I'd like to see Eli Manning, and maybe another guy ;-), in those.)

Congratulations to Michael Phelps on his superlative Olympics performances. But he should also be very thankful for Jason Lezak's greatness in the relays.

I've been a little annoyed with some aspects of the Olympics coverage on TV. It's just not right that they don't have any problems showing the beach volleyball women's butts with their bikini bottoms halfway up their cracks, but they just always cut off the shots of the male swimmers so that we can't see their packages in those cute speedos. It's not fair! ;-)

On the subject of swimming I have to say that despite a few cases of aches and pains, after lots of swimming this summer I've been feeling more fit than I have for about 10 years. Well, not that I could do the Rocket Queen again, but we have to consider that my body has survived more than a few major traumas in the last decade, including having two babies. So, at 40, I think I'm in decent condition and even much better than I was at 35. No, I'm not Dara Torres, but she has an entire team of massage and who-knows-what-else therapists keeping her 41 year old body in good working condition. I'm not sure I'd want to look like her anyway. I'm pretty muscular but her arms and shoulders are very mannish and scary-looking to me.

Congrats to all the Olympic athletes!

Podunk Barbarians

Okay, this will probably offend many people but I don't care because I'm an American with Freedom of Speech and if you don't like it you can kiss my healthy American ass. So proceed at your own risk.

Despite what so many ignorant people around the world would like to think and say about Americans, we are an exceedingly civilized people. There are many ethnic groups that dislike each other and do have conflicts in some of the urban areas, but for the most part Americans peacefully live in and share communities with people that they don't necessarily like, love, respect, or care about. We hear that there is a huge amount of "ethnic hate" in the various little podunk regions of Europe, etc. Well, why can't they just get along? I mean, it's not that hard to peacefully coexist with people you don't really like, as long as everyone agrees to just be civil. I think the answer is actually that they are just barbarians that can't get along with anyone. And actually, the barbarians aren't restricted to only the small podunk places. It appears that Russia is still run by a bunch of barbarians too.

And another point that isn't really understood by uppity, opinionated foreigners is that the majority of guns owned in the US are NEVER used to commit any crimes. And the reason for that is because most people have a strong sense of personal responsibility and discipline and self-control (because they generally know that is required when you have a lot of Freedom). Of course, many of us might fantasize about shooting some annoying assholes, but we don't do it. It's not that difficult not to shoot people even though we have the means to do it and might really want to. Just imagine what all those barbarians in those podunk regions of Europe, etc, would do if they had as many guns as Americans. It would be total bedlam and chaos because they just don't know how, or maybe even aren't actually capable of the self control required, to get along with people who are different from them.

Are you angry and offended yet? Do you want to shoot me or otherwise shut me up? Well, good. Learn how to deal with that anger, resentment, offense, and outrage in some way other than to attack me. This is what most of us Americans have to learn in order to get along with a lot of different types of people who are going to do and say things that we don't like. I'm just telling the barbarians of the world to use their brains to overcome their animalistic instincts to kill or harm those they dislike. Duh! It's not that difficult.

Of course, some worms might come out of the woodwork to try to tell me how ignorant or stupid I am because I don't understand the history of those regions and blah, blah, blah. Well, sorry, but it's just not that complicated to learn how to live in peace. All it takes is some self-control and willingness to let some things be, even if we don't like them. You know, people shouldn't use their supposedly "complex histories" as excuses to be dickheads. And really, this is the big challenge of Freedom. It's too bad that some people are too lazy to deal with the responsibilities that Freedom requires. They want laws to control everyone else's behavior that might offend them, like all the "politically correct" language and other garbage that they demand. Well, shit, just get over it already.

I don't know why Georgia thought it could get into some fight with Russia. Some dingalings are trying to say that it was part of some right-wing conspiracy by Bush, et al. Good lord, they're so blinded by their own hatred that they can't see that the real villian here is likely Russia. If there are any conspiracies involved it's one invented by Russia. They probably provoked the Georgians by arming the South Ossetians and so on. Well, if I was the Georgian leader I'd have said, "Okay, go and be Russian if that's what you want but don't expect any help or anything from us when it all goes to shit for you." I don't really have a problem with "separatists". If they want to separate, fine. Open the door for them and kick their asses on the way out. Be free, go in peace, and all that crap.

If you've managed to make it this far, let me tell you one more thing. I'm just a foul-mouthed, preachy Redneck momma from my own little podunk region, and we have at least a dozen guns of various types that haven't ever been used to threaten or hurt any human being, barbarian or not. But if push comes to shove, I just might take a page out of the Russian playbook and blow the living shit out anyone who tries to take my Freedom away from me. Amen, be free, go in peace. ;-)

And if you're thinking that I might be the Antichrist, well you aren't the first one. ;-)

Shaft

Isaac Hayes found dead today.

Shaft!

Who's the black private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
(Shaft!)
You're damn right

Who is the man
That would risk his neck for his brother man?
(Shaft!)
Can ya dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's danger all about
(Shaft!)
Right on

You see this cat Shaft is a bad mother--
(Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Shaft
(Then we can dig it)

He's a complicated man
But no one understands him but his woman
(John Shaft)

Why Americans Distrust Russia

I really bothers me when Americans are dismissed as "stupid" and "ignorant" in regards to their ideas about foreign relations. It's very unfair and short-sighted because it reveals its own kind of ignorance about why Americans think the way they do. Maybe it doesn't occur to foreigners that most of us Americans over a certain age were educated in the Soviet era in which we were not allowed to know anything about the Soviet Bloc, and any attempts to learn were met with lies, propaganda, and denials by the Soviets et al.

The Soviets wanted us to think that all of the USSR and its "bloc" were completely homogenous culturally and socially, etc, because that implied that Communism/Socialism erased all differences, boundaries, and conflicts among what in reality turns out to be a bunch of different types of people.* Imagine growing up having to accept what was fed to you and not being allowed to learn any different or having to make assumptions about places and people because you weren't given any information. This explains the "ignorance" of many Americans about the constituents of the former Soviet Bloc. They did it to us because they wanted us to be ignorant, much like the wanted their own people to be ignorant of how Americans really are.

Also many American adults grew up during the Cold War in which there was a fairly constant fear that the USSR would try to attack us or any of our allies or that they would support some other country that wanted to attack us (like Cuba). While some might view that fear as irrational paranoia they should recall that it was actually part of the "defeat" of Communist aggressors. I think that many of us retain a sense of paranoia and distrust of Russia because of its history as the "center" of the USSR, and it looks like their current leadership isn't really all that different from the Soviet leadership. Personally, I'm still paranoid and distrustful of Russia and its motivations. If that makes me "stupid" or "ignorant" then show me why I should trust Russia...

Okay, so it's true that policy makers and good journalists should educate themselves about the things that were hidden from us before, but it's pretty unrealistic to expect this to happen instantaneously. And who do you trust now? Do we believe the new versions coming from Russia or do we trust the previously suppressed people who are seeking their own new freedom and independence? Americans have been bred on Freedom and self-motivation and self-determination. It's kind of hard for us to understand why anyone shouldn't be allowed to separate from their previous political, social ties. Precedent is important, but must it be the primary factor in determining how things should be? Sometimes precedent has been very wrong (like slavery, limitations on sufferage, etc).

This American world view might be problematic, but Freedom is never easy. The more degrees of freedom the more possible deviations can occur. Maybe Freedom isn't for everyone. But let the ones who want it have it. I don't perceive Russia as a great promoter of Freedom. And if I were living in a previously Soviet bloc country I would be pretty paranoid about Russia deciding that it wanted that territory back and invading in order to get it. Maybe that's just too far-fetched, but maybe it's not. Maybe having a lot of Freedom does cause people to have an underlying paranoia of the motivations of others because of knowing that Freedom is always vulnerable to attacks by those who want to control more than just themselves.

No, I don't have any solutions or practical wisdom to the conflicts in the world. But I do hope that people will try to see things from other than their own point of view.


*Watching the Olympics it is apparent that China also wants the world to believe that all of China is homogenous and harmonious because of its Communism. Well, little good their 300,000 security cameras all over the place did to prevent an American from being murdered there on the first day. Maybe it was a government hit meant to test the American response. Also why was the American anthem cut off during Michael Phelps's gold medal ceremony? Maybe it was just another subtle(?) disrespect towards America. And the statements of a Chinese gymnast were very revealing about the nature of life under the Chinese Communist control. He said that Chinese athletes carry a "heavy burden" and are not self-movitated. He implied that the consequences of disappointing performances were excessive, and the scene of Chinese soldiers overseeing every aspect of his training was concerning and a little frightening.

08-08-08

I don't know if there is any mystical significance to today's date, though 8 on its side is the same as the symbol for eternity. Triple Eternity. Trinity. Oh, whatever. I'm having some problems with my brain this week. It wants to confuse me about what is a delusion and what is only a possibility but not necessarily a probability. Are you confused yet too? ;-)

Well, I always got a "Bill Clinton" vibe about John Edwards, and I'm sure that I mentioned it to someone back when he was stilling running for the Dem. nomination. By "Bill Clinton vibe" I mean, "adulterer." I know I predicted to at least one person that such a scandal would come out about him before the election, but she might not remember that I said it. Okay, so adultry isn't the worst thing a person can do, except maybe when his wife is suffering from cancer... Anyway, I knew this about him from one of my "bizarre intuitions" and I have to admit that I do feel a little vindicated about it.

Another prediction/intuition I've had that has turned out to be even more accurate than I first imagined is that banking is corrupt and causing lots of the problems in our society. Well, look at the mortgage mess and all the reverberations. Correct again, if I may say so.

Those are only two examples of how spontaneous insights that seemed far-out at first ended up being true. There are others. There are always others that fade from memory until some random news reminds me that I knew that already. This is a curse. I used to wish that I knew the future and could read people's minds, but we really must be careful what we wish for because when we get it, it never looks the way we expected or hoped. Like the Shadow who "knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men," I can see the internal Pitch Forks. ;-) Yes, maybe I'm just another crazy with delusions of grandeur, and to be frank, I hide about 90% of my "bizarre" thoughts from my friends and family because I fear their perception that I've completely lost my mind. But really, more often than not they are true. I just know things.

Being right most of the time makes it especially difficult to talk myself out of some new bizarre insight or intuition or delusion or whatever you want to call it. Sometimes things look so obvious and sensible, but of course there are some times when they really are completely false and unfounded. What percentage of time does being right overcome being wrong? How do I know unless I look for explanations and ask questions, sometimes really weird and maybe even disturbing questions? My husband isn't too surprised or bothered anymore when I ask him some crazy question to check myself. And for his willingness to endure this I am very grateful, and more sane.

I guess those of us with faulty brains just have misfiring neurons or some other neural events that cause us to create wild ideas. Sometimes creativity is great, but others it is very problematic. No one wants to listen or take seriously or deal with anything out of the ordinary, and so much of it is suppressed or otherwise hidden. Blah, blah, blah. I'm just trying to explain what goes on in a crazy mind.

Next week school starts so we'll be busy with all of that. I really don't care for the school schedule these days because they get out too soon in May and go back too soon in August.

"Right Place Wrong Time" by Dr. John

I been in the right place, but it must have been the wrong time
I'd have said the right thing, but I must have used the wrong line
I been in the right trip, but I must have used the wrong car
My head was in a bad place, and I'm wondering what it's good for
I been the right place, but it must have been the wrong time
My head was in a bad place, but I'm having such a good time

I been running trying, things get hung up in my mind
Got to give myself a good talking-to this time
Just need a little brain salad surgery
Got to cure my insecurity

I been in the wrong place, but it must have been the right time
I been in the right place, but it must have been the wrong song
I been in the right vein, but it seems like the wrong arm
I been in the right world, but it seems wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

Slipping dodging sneaking creeping hiding out down the street
See me life shaking with every who I meet
Refried confusion is making itself clear
Wonder which way do I go to get on out of here

I been in the right place, but it must have been the wrong time
I'd have said the right thing, but I must have used the wrong line
I'd have took the right road, but I must have took a wrong turn
I'd have took the right move, but I made it at the wrong time
I been on the right trip, but I took it in the wrong car
My head was in a good place, and I wonder what it's bad for.

Fairy Tale

This is a book "review" of the novel Fairy Tale by Walt Foreman (available at amazon also), who happens to be my best friend's brother though I don't really know Walt at all.

First of all, I recommend this book to everyone I know. I'll get to the reasons why soon enough, but since this is a very casual and 'off the cuff' review there are some other things I want to explain. If you're looking for more standard reviews please do click the links above or do your own google search. :-)

It is certainly no reflection on Walt's writing and book that it has taken me about 2.5 years to complete it (today). That actually is my own weird quirk about reading, and that I finished it at all should be seen as a sign of my fondness for it. In the months, years probably, between readings the story never left me completely and I frequently told myself to just go ahead and finish it already. But it is very difficult for me to sit still long enough to read fiction because there are so many other things that I want to do with my limited 'free' time. Usually I'm more interested in making things or thinking my own thoughts instead of reading someone else's imaginations, fantasies, and dreams. Okay, so maybe I'm a little selfish, but whatever. This isn't supposed to be about me anyway. ;-)

I thoroughly enjoyed Walt's style of writing which is pretty similar to the way that I think, with lots of long (and short) parentheticals, tangents, and skipping (sometimes wildly) from one topic or place to another. If you can't keep up with that kind of flow then you probably wouldn't like Fairy Tale. But I will say that Walt is a much better (and better trained) writer than I pretend to be, though sometimes he's a little heavy on the ostentatious vocabulary (but it sort of works because it adds to the tone and mood of the story and so on).

Basically, it is a story of unrequited love. Haven't we all had that experience? But the depth of emotion and obsession is impressive in this story and that is why I like it so much. As Walt attempts a pilgrimage to reclaim his beloved Abigail he encounters an amazing and hilarious bunch of characters that are probably closer to reality than most people, other than rural Tennesseans, realize. The outrageousness of his pilgrimage entertains as it reveals Walt's internal struggles with his love and obsession with Abigail.

I was intensely frustrated. My pilgrimage had devolved into beer and tortilla chips and a fishing show. The earth was hurtling through space, time was marching forward and I was moving no closer to my love. My love was at that moment quite likely forgetting me more than she had the moment before; I would soon be no more than a successfully repressed memory. How could this be called a pilgrimage?

Well, I've taken my own ill-fated pilgrimage many years ago, though it was quite different from Fairy Tale and I can't really describe it without needlessly reopening old wounds. However, it had it's fair share of drama, pleasant surprises, magic, frustration, and heartbreak. Perhaps that experience influenced my reading and (possibly) perverse pleasure in Fairy Tale. Maybe I shouldn't admit to having had many of the exact same thoughts and feelings described by Walt. Maybe Walt is really as insane as I can be? (please, dear Walt, if you ever read this, don't take offense at my amateur psychoanalysis as it is meant as a true compliment because I'm a little bit proud of the creativity, which seems pretty similar to your own, that is likely a side-effect of my mental instabilities/peculiarities)

Okay, this isn't much of a review so I should probably try to focus. I found Fairy Tale very poetic at times, and at others I found myself absorbed in the indulgent sensual descriptions of the world of Fairy Tale. I found myself wondering if Walt might have been smoking some good weed, though from what his sister has said that is probably not the case (but there should be no shame, Walt, if you might have done it). Was there anything I didn't like about the book? No not really, not anything that especially bothered me because I reminded myself that this is a Fairy Tale (even if somewhat autobiographical) and it is all about one man's obsession, fantasies, dreams, delusions, hallucinations, and faith in his version of God. (It might be a little preachy at times to those inclined away from Fundamentalist Christianity, but I didn't find the religious parts so bothersome.)

Have I said everything I meant to say? Oh, okay, a couple more things. While reading, I found myself thinking, "Well, I don't have to write this kind of story now because Walt has already done it well enough and I can just tell people to read it if they would like a peek into what is sometimes happening in my own often chaotic mind." Another thing I probably shouldn't admit to is that I almost like the idea of a man being so "in love" and obsessed with me that he would write an entire novel to try to win my heart, but surely that is just a symptom of my own madness. ;-) And although I might be privy to some extra knowledge about the backstory, etc, I still very much enjoyed reading this book and hope that Walt will continue writing and making movies.

Good luck, Walt, and thanks for writing some fiction that I actually invested my time to read.

Omnipotence

make your own poster

Dear Paris Hilton,

Actually, I kind of like your reply to McCain because it is pretty funny:

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

But I feel I must inform you of a couple of things. First, you're not old enough to be President. The Constitution (you should Google it) states that one must be at least 35 years old to be President, so you and your choice of VP don't quite make it. Second, and please don't hate me for saying this, you really aren't that hot. You're really kind of ugly, in the face anyway. If you weren't super-rich with all kinds of people fixing your hair and makeup and all that, then you'd be a basic girl with no great beauty. In other words, your beauty is totally artificial. Which actually is a lot like most politicians. ;-)

Okay, so maybe saying that doesn't endear me to you, but if you are going into politics you'll have to develop a very tough skin. However, I have an offer for you. If you back me, financially and socially, as a Presidential candidate (at 40 I am definitely old enough) then I will make you the official White House decorator/interior designer because I actually do like the idea of painting the White House pink. :-) Plus, you do seem to have a decent sense of humor and that goes a long way towards overcoming your faults and conceits.

Please think about this offer. I have some very good, practical ideas about how to straighten out most of the problems in our country, but I just need some money help getting those ideas put into action.

Sincerely,

Rae Ann aka Vicious Momma

Civil War Diary, Part 1

We haven't been making great progress in cleaning out my dad's house. I keep getting caught up in looking at all the cool old stuff like photo albums, childhood artwork and schoolwork, and other family mementos. My dad collected lots of interesting old stuff and it's like going through a time capsule. The following is my great, great grandfather's (Lewis Samuel Clovis Howard, 1835-1897) diary (to be posted in parts due to its length) he kept while serving for the Union in the Civil War. I've linked relevant maps and other additional information and retained the original spellings, grammar, and punctuation.

I don't know why he served for the Union instead of joining the Rebels since Tennessee did secede from the Union. Maybe the Union paid better? ;-)

Daily Diary of L.S.C. Howard's Army Record
Sworn in 1861
Discharged 1864

August 10, 1861
Left Morgan County and marched by T. Staples and nine miles to the left of Huntsville and on by Montcella [sic] in Ky. Thence across the Cumberland River at the Horseshoe bend and through Jamestown. And on By Middleburg and by Danville, then to Camp Robinson, 210 miles

Arrived here 19 of Aug.
Volunteered 19th
Sworn in the 20th of August, 1861

October 20, 1861
Remained here until the 20 Oct. 1861, then we received orders to march to Camp Wildcat, 44 miles, which we made in two days and a night. Remained here till

October 28, 1861
Then we received orders to march to London, then according to orders marched to Camp Pittman.

October 29, 1861
Marched to London and remained there some time

December 7, 1861
Ordered to Somerset. Therefore as we marched on the 8th, we passed by Sublinity Spring on the Rockcastle River and on the 9th camped at Somerset.

December 15, 1861
Paid by the Government $40.95

January 19, 1862
A fight is commenced.

January 20, 1862
Victory Completed at Millsprings

January 22, 1862
Marched back to Somerset

January 26, 1862
Left Somerset 5 or 6 miles

February 2, 1862
Left London and marched in the direction of Cumberland Gap

February 4, 1862
Marched to Barbourville

February 12, 1862
Marched to Flatlick

February 15, 1862
Marched to the Cumberland foard

May 22, 1862
Paid $26 by the Government

June 7, 1862
Left the foard and camped at the Moss house.

June 11, 1862
Left the Moss house and marched through the big Creek Gap, then up Powells Valley to the Cumberland Gap the 18th of June

June 20, 1862
Marched to Tazwell 10 or 12 miles. Stayed near a day there then returned back to camps

June 28, 1862
Left Camps and marched to Capt. Mires 1 Regt. E.T. (1st Regiment East Tennessee Volunteers) then toward Knoxville to Kingkades an aid [sic] Rebels near the Clinch River then back to Camps. And crossed Powells R. at or near the Ledmind bend and here at the river we was fired on by the Rebels but we whipped them soon. then marched on to Camps

July 1, 1862
Arrived at Camps.

August 4, 1862
Appointed Corp. and sent to the Provost M.

August 14, 1862
Drummed out of the service one private from Co. "A", E. Tenn. Vols.

August 16, 1862
All moved up in the Gap.

September 16, 1862
Left the Pro. M.

September 17, 1862
17 day about midnight our Regiment left the Gap.

September 18, 1862
18th night camped at Flatlick.

September 20, 1862
Marched down Goose Creek below the saltworks near Manchester.

September 21, 1862
Rested in place until 9 in the evening then marched all that night and in the evening of the 22 we passed by what is called the Goss Spring. It is in Ousley County.

September 22, 1862
Camped on Indian Creek at Morises about 5 miles from where it empties into the south fork of the Ky. River.

September 23, 1862
Marched to Booneville, Ousley Co. by 1 o'clock in the evening then marched to Proctor, 10 miles by a little after day.

September 24, 1862
Rested till evening again then marched across the Ky. river below the fork then marched up the north fork. Taken the Hazlegreen Road at the McGuires Gap.

September 25 + 26, 1862
Marched and reached Hazlegreen 20 miles from McGuires Gap. Marched through Wolf Co.

September 27, 1862
Marched all day and near all night then took up at West liberty 15 miles

September 28, 1862
Rested in place all that day

September 29, 1862
Marched 21 miles adn late in the evening teh bush whackers fired on our skirmishers.

September 30, 1862
Marched in 12 miles of Grayson, Carter County on the head of little Sandy where the cliffs begin to set in and where the bush whackers fired on us again.

Coaster Let-down

One should be careful to be less like the Dragster and more like the Millennium Force (or at least like Thunderhead). ;-)