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(same shit, different day)

Nobody volunteered to help me with my coup d'etat. Pussies. (I guess now I'll have to get started on that clone army.) ;-)

I like using bad words now because the Odiogo podcast voice is so serious and proper. It makes me laugh.

I wasn't joking about my blood pressure being very high. It really was, and the other day I thought I might be about to die so I went to the doctor. The medicine he gave me has dropped it back to its normal level, but the huge change has caused some weird things too. It's a bit of a physical mystery because all my other tests and things are fine and normal so far. Of course, like most Americans I need to lose some weight, but it is actually lower than a year ago so it doesn't seem like the culprit. Can I please go through 6 months without some big illness or other trouble? That's not too much to ask, is it?

I worry that my husband is going to trade me in for a younger, healthier model. He seems to be annoyed and inconvenienced by all my problems. Well, I can't say I blame him. I'm pretty annoyed too. Sorry, all these things just happen. It's not like I have any control over people dying and all these other things. It's exhausting for all of us. But the last thing I need right now is to feel resented and defective...

Okay, is that pitiful enough? ;-)

Healthcare: The Next Bursting Bubble

I am certain that the US economy is already in the beginning of a depression and not just a recession. Not that I'm saying we will see the same horrible life as in the Great Depression, but relatively speaking what is going on now is quite serious and is not going to improve for quite some time. As all the "experts" are saying, it will likely get worse before it gets better. That is about the only thing they're saying that I do agree with. (forgive my laziness about ending sentences with "with")

The intelligence of our "leaders" seems to have declined considerably in the last few decades. Maybe it is because of the birth control pill? Messing with Nature usually doesn't end well, but maybe no one ever reads Frankenstein anymore? Anyway, the whole lot of them* are total idiots, regardless of whatever degrees and so-called education they've had. Well, look at it this way. How intelligent is it to continue doing the things that consistently fail? That's exactly what they do.

Incidentally, and this is just my own insecurity and need for validation, whether it comes extrinsically or intrinsically, I have evidence that I really am smarter than about 95% of my peers. It's not an "IQ" score, but there are some other standardized test results that consistently place me in about the 95th percentile. If you don't believe me I can scan and post them, godddammit. So all the dumbfucks who try to call me stupid are only being dumbfucks. Okay? Thank you. I just had to get that out of my system. *sigh* :-)

Now back to the economy. And healthcare specifically. While everyone is hand-wringing over the mortgage meltdown that is the result of lots of people being really stupid and making really bad decisions, there is another bubble that will burst soon enough. Too many people are expecting the government to pay for their healthcare. But what they don't realize is that it is completely unrealistic and will be disastrous when/if that happens. Some people seem to think that free healthcare is a basic human right, but you know, nothing is really free, although recently it looks like 95% of the people have forgotten that, if they ever knew it in the first place.

Sure, access to healthcare is a "right" but how can anyone really think that any vital service can be free of cost? Someone has to pay for it, and until recently it wasn't common practice for the government to just make up billions of dollars to pay for every little thing that people asked for.

There are some ways to make the healthcare system more "fair" and accessible to everyone, but they require some big, serious changes to the way that business has been done for the last few decades. Just like the auto industry. Nothing will improve until they drastically adjust their way of doing business. Sometimes successful evolution takes really big steps.

Well, let me ask some questions. Who is really making the most money from the healthcare system today without actually doing much? The doctors? Not really, though most do make plenty enough, they do work for it usually. The drug companies? Meh, they make a lot but they also contribute a lot with their research and development, as well as advertising that helps pay for our entertainment. The hospitals? Some make money and some lose money but they are vital to the system. What does that leave? Ah, yeah, the insurance companies. What do they really do anyway? They are just an extra, very costly and very profitable, step in the process of delivering healthcare. They are not really vital. Basically they are middlemen who get paid to negotiate between the medical services and the patients. Why can't the patients deal directly with the medical services themselves? Cut out the fat, the wastefulness, the unnecessary.

Anyone who promotes a "universal healthcare" that trusts those same insurance companies to administer it efficiently is a total idiot, or at least seriously deluded. Although the government isn't exactly good at efficient administration of services it would be preferable to make the medical service providers actual government employees instead of keeping a wasteful third party in the system. Make it more like the military if necessary, where the doctors are enlisted and trained by the government and rise through the ranks according to ability and accomplishment. Yeah, maybe this is a radical idea, but it has got to be better than what all the other dummies are suggesting. I'm just saying let's look at this thing from a new perspective instead of always trying to fit square pegs into round holes.

No, there are no perfect plans or ideas for solving the big, serious issues that our country is facing now. But come on, let's stop it with thinking that throwing money at ill-designed and poorly functioning things is actually going to change anything for the better. It won't. It never has. And it never will. Why is it so hard for people to understand this simple fact? I really don't believe it is so difficult that one has to be in the 95th percentile to get it.


*correction: My own Tennessee Senator Bob Corker was just giving hell to the stupid auto bosses, thank God. I guess he's one in the top 5%. ;-)

Medicare Bailout

Watch this video and look carefully at the featured woman, "Carolyn," who complains about Medicare putting some limits on how much they pay for her medical treatments for an "immune system deficiency."









Perhaps it is only my astute eye that can see that she has had her face injected with lots of Botox. If you will notice, there is no movement in her forehead, upper lip, or around her eyes. If you've been living under a rock for many years and don't know what Botox is, you should look it up. While it does have some valid medical applications, it is mostly used to prop up the vanity of aging people who cannot accept that their skin naturally develops wrinkles from repetitive movements of the underlying muscles.



Sure, this is a free country and people have the "right" to subject themselves to any sort of poisonous treatments for whatever they think ails them. But I should not have to help them pay for it. If they want their faces paralyzed to smooth their wrinkles then they should pay for it themselves. But they should pay for more serious and essential needs first.



Sorry, but I have no sympathy for this Carolyn who complains about not being able to pay for "life saving" treatments for some undefined "immune disorder" while she has obviously had the money to pay for lots of cosmetic Botox treatments (as well as hair colors and who knows what other vanity expenses). And I suspect that this "immune system deficiency" is probably related to having one of the most deadly poisons in the world injected into her face (and maybe also related to having silicone balloons implanted in her chest). Duh! It looks like obvious common sense that the immune system would respond, sometimes violently, to the introduction of toxic foreign substances. I mean, really, how dumb can people, doctors included, be??



I hate being expected to always bail out all of these stupid, selfish idiots who should be allowed to suffer the consequences of their bad choices. It's not just this super-vain, selfish Carolyn, but also all the big banks and auto makers and other irresponsible slugs who are useless parasites on the working parts of society.



As for Medicare and if old people are happy with it, it would be better and more fair to ask some of those really pitiful people who are stuck in hospital beds or depending on walkers to get around. I bet they aren't complaining about Medicare. And I bet they didn't waste all their money on Botox and other cosmetic treatments.



When I first saw this story on Brit Hume's show I was shocked and disappointed that the producers would be so dumb as to pick that Carolyn as an example of Medicare "unfairness." Jesus, who approved it? He or she should be fired or at least strongly reprimanded. And if it was Hume himself, man, I would have expected much better.



My own personal experience with the Medicare system has been fine. When my dad was sick and in and out of the hospital and having all kinds of tests and treatments his Medicare and Medicare supplemental insurance covered practically everything. Most older people do buy Medicare supplemental insurance to cover what Medicare doesn't. I have no reason to believe that my dad's situation was any different from most. There were no Medicare refusals or disputes of coverage for his many tests, treatments, and hospitalizations. Maybe that was because his illness was real and not some dubious, narcissistic "immune" problem.



Well, maybe I sound harsh and mean. Too bad. As far as "Carolyn" is concerned I think the only "immoral" thing going on is that she is expecting everyone else to a pay for her own idiocy.

Surviving Cancer

I think I can now officially proclaim myself a Cancer Survivor, not only for surviving the cancer deaths of my parents but also of my own little skin cancer. Today we got the pathology report from my second biopsy that was done last week, and all of the bad cells have been removed. :-)

So it's time to celebrate.

A Little Too Ironic

Maybe God hasn't been as amused by me as I had thought. Or maybe the AntiChrist has put a curse on my family. Or maybe we can blame global warming. My own favorite scapegoat of the moment is the accelerating universe. Hey, if the universe is accelerating then isn't everything in it also accelerating (even out of control)? You see, I don't have any more faith in Science as I do God because no scientist has ever done any more for me than God has. At least, as all those self-righteous atheists like so say, where's the proof? ;-)

I'm not sure how many more blows I can take because I'm already feeling very beat up by all the things that have happened in the last few years, particularly this past year and a half. I'm beginning to feel like Job or something. It hasn't even been 5 months since my dad died, and just when I was thinking that I was feeling okay and all that, I've found out that I have a skin cancer. Isn't it ironic? Well, actually, I guess I've really had it 2 or 3 years but just had no clue that it was a cancer instead of a simple skin tag. But then, I have been pretty fucking busy being there for everyone else so that I probably haven't had any time for paying enough attention to my own self.

Oh, no big deal, you might think, blah, blah, blah, it's just a little skin cancer, blah, blah, blah, but if that's the case then you really haven't been paying any attention to what's been happening over the recent past. Yeah, maybe I'm taking it too hard. But you know what? It's times and experiences like this that show us who our real, true friends and loved ones are. You know who you are and who you aren't. Real friends don't dismiss us when we actually need them. Real friends don't turn away and refuse to be there because it's too inconvenient or difficult for them to deal with our crisis. Real friends don't tell us that it's too sad or stressful or depressing to be our friend. Oh, fair weather friends, what a waste of life.

And this is the lesson I've learned from atheists. Because they have no faith in anything other than their own thoughts, feelings, needs, convenience, and so and and so forth, they really can't be real friends and they really can't know real love. They are incapable of sacrificing for others, as the example of Jesus Christ did whether you "believe" in his divinity or not, because it's always all about them - what they want, what they need, what they have time and energy for, what is convenient for them, what suits them, what makes them happy, the list goes on and on...

Do I sound bitter? Well, maybe I am a little bitter about how things are turning out. I really have tried to be there for those I've considered friends and those I love. I really have tried to go above and beyond and to set aside my own needs, feelings, and wants in order to be there for my loved ones. And what do I get for all of that? (What did Jesus get for all of his sacrifice?)

ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?" that is, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

Matthew 27:46

Jesus wasn't asking God that question so much as he was asking his supposed loved ones who ran away and vanished in his time of greatest need. Well, he still swallowed his jagged little pill anyway.

"You Learn" by Alanis Morissette

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Podunk Barbarians

Okay, this will probably offend many people but I don't care because I'm an American with Freedom of Speech and if you don't like it you can kiss my healthy American ass. So proceed at your own risk.

Despite what so many ignorant people around the world would like to think and say about Americans, we are an exceedingly civilized people. There are many ethnic groups that dislike each other and do have conflicts in some of the urban areas, but for the most part Americans peacefully live in and share communities with people that they don't necessarily like, love, respect, or care about. We hear that there is a huge amount of "ethnic hate" in the various little podunk regions of Europe, etc. Well, why can't they just get along? I mean, it's not that hard to peacefully coexist with people you don't really like, as long as everyone agrees to just be civil. I think the answer is actually that they are just barbarians that can't get along with anyone. And actually, the barbarians aren't restricted to only the small podunk places. It appears that Russia is still run by a bunch of barbarians too.

And another point that isn't really understood by uppity, opinionated foreigners is that the majority of guns owned in the US are NEVER used to commit any crimes. And the reason for that is because most people have a strong sense of personal responsibility and discipline and self-control (because they generally know that is required when you have a lot of Freedom). Of course, many of us might fantasize about shooting some annoying assholes, but we don't do it. It's not that difficult not to shoot people even though we have the means to do it and might really want to. Just imagine what all those barbarians in those podunk regions of Europe, etc, would do if they had as many guns as Americans. It would be total bedlam and chaos because they just don't know how, or maybe even aren't actually capable of the self control required, to get along with people who are different from them.

Are you angry and offended yet? Do you want to shoot me or otherwise shut me up? Well, good. Learn how to deal with that anger, resentment, offense, and outrage in some way other than to attack me. This is what most of us Americans have to learn in order to get along with a lot of different types of people who are going to do and say things that we don't like. I'm just telling the barbarians of the world to use their brains to overcome their animalistic instincts to kill or harm those they dislike. Duh! It's not that difficult.

Of course, some worms might come out of the woodwork to try to tell me how ignorant or stupid I am because I don't understand the history of those regions and blah, blah, blah. Well, sorry, but it's just not that complicated to learn how to live in peace. All it takes is some self-control and willingness to let some things be, even if we don't like them. You know, people shouldn't use their supposedly "complex histories" as excuses to be dickheads. And really, this is the big challenge of Freedom. It's too bad that some people are too lazy to deal with the responsibilities that Freedom requires. They want laws to control everyone else's behavior that might offend them, like all the "politically correct" language and other garbage that they demand. Well, shit, just get over it already.

I don't know why Georgia thought it could get into some fight with Russia. Some dingalings are trying to say that it was part of some right-wing conspiracy by Bush, et al. Good lord, they're so blinded by their own hatred that they can't see that the real villian here is likely Russia. If there are any conspiracies involved it's one invented by Russia. They probably provoked the Georgians by arming the South Ossetians and so on. Well, if I was the Georgian leader I'd have said, "Okay, go and be Russian if that's what you want but don't expect any help or anything from us when it all goes to shit for you." I don't really have a problem with "separatists". If they want to separate, fine. Open the door for them and kick their asses on the way out. Be free, go in peace, and all that crap.

If you've managed to make it this far, let me tell you one more thing. I'm just a foul-mouthed, preachy Redneck momma from my own little podunk region, and we have at least a dozen guns of various types that haven't ever been used to threaten or hurt any human being, barbarian or not. But if push comes to shove, I just might take a page out of the Russian playbook and blow the living shit out anyone who tries to take my Freedom away from me. Amen, be free, go in peace. ;-)

And if you're thinking that I might be the Antichrist, well you aren't the first one. ;-)

08-08-08

I don't know if there is any mystical significance to today's date, though 8 on its side is the same as the symbol for eternity. Triple Eternity. Trinity. Oh, whatever. I'm having some problems with my brain this week. It wants to confuse me about what is a delusion and what is only a possibility but not necessarily a probability. Are you confused yet too? ;-)

Well, I always got a "Bill Clinton" vibe about John Edwards, and I'm sure that I mentioned it to someone back when he was stilling running for the Dem. nomination. By "Bill Clinton vibe" I mean, "adulterer." I know I predicted to at least one person that such a scandal would come out about him before the election, but she might not remember that I said it. Okay, so adultry isn't the worst thing a person can do, except maybe when his wife is suffering from cancer... Anyway, I knew this about him from one of my "bizarre intuitions" and I have to admit that I do feel a little vindicated about it.

Another prediction/intuition I've had that has turned out to be even more accurate than I first imagined is that banking is corrupt and causing lots of the problems in our society. Well, look at the mortgage mess and all the reverberations. Correct again, if I may say so.

Those are only two examples of how spontaneous insights that seemed far-out at first ended up being true. There are others. There are always others that fade from memory until some random news reminds me that I knew that already. This is a curse. I used to wish that I knew the future and could read people's minds, but we really must be careful what we wish for because when we get it, it never looks the way we expected or hoped. Like the Shadow who "knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men," I can see the internal Pitch Forks. ;-) Yes, maybe I'm just another crazy with delusions of grandeur, and to be frank, I hide about 90% of my "bizarre" thoughts from my friends and family because I fear their perception that I've completely lost my mind. But really, more often than not they are true. I just know things.

Being right most of the time makes it especially difficult to talk myself out of some new bizarre insight or intuition or delusion or whatever you want to call it. Sometimes things look so obvious and sensible, but of course there are some times when they really are completely false and unfounded. What percentage of time does being right overcome being wrong? How do I know unless I look for explanations and ask questions, sometimes really weird and maybe even disturbing questions? My husband isn't too surprised or bothered anymore when I ask him some crazy question to check myself. And for his willingness to endure this I am very grateful, and more sane.

I guess those of us with faulty brains just have misfiring neurons or some other neural events that cause us to create wild ideas. Sometimes creativity is great, but others it is very problematic. No one wants to listen or take seriously or deal with anything out of the ordinary, and so much of it is suppressed or otherwise hidden. Blah, blah, blah. I'm just trying to explain what goes on in a crazy mind.

Next week school starts so we'll be busy with all of that. I really don't care for the school schedule these days because they get out too soon in May and go back too soon in August.

"Right Place Wrong Time" by Dr. John

I been in the right place, but it must have been the wrong time
I'd have said the right thing, but I must have used the wrong line
I been in the right trip, but I must have used the wrong car
My head was in a bad place, and I'm wondering what it's good for
I been the right place, but it must have been the wrong time
My head was in a bad place, but I'm having such a good time

I been running trying, things get hung up in my mind
Got to give myself a good talking-to this time
Just need a little brain salad surgery
Got to cure my insecurity

I been in the wrong place, but it must have been the right time
I been in the right place, but it must have been the wrong song
I been in the right vein, but it seems like the wrong arm
I been in the right world, but it seems wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

Slipping dodging sneaking creeping hiding out down the street
See me life shaking with every who I meet
Refried confusion is making itself clear
Wonder which way do I go to get on out of here

I been in the right place, but it must have been the wrong time
I'd have said the right thing, but I must have used the wrong line
I'd have took the right road, but I must have took a wrong turn
I'd have took the right move, but I made it at the wrong time
I been on the right trip, but I took it in the wrong car
My head was in a good place, and I wonder what it's bad for.

Cancer Sucks

Sorry for the long silence. It's been a busy time and I just haven't felt up to saying much here. My dad is getting radiation treatments daily for the next two weeks and chemo once a week. After the radiation they will probably increase the chemo but we are keeping options open. Right now, the chemo is a low dose of Taxol and Carboplatin. On Friday this week they will do a CT scan to see if the tumor is responding to the treatments. Well, 'needless to say' (I'm violating my personal aversion to and prohibition of that phrase) it's very difficult to see my dad so ill. It's especially hard for David because he and my dad are very close and it's been less than a year since his dad died. Sometimes life punches us in the nuts.

So It Is

Sorry to have to say it, but my dad does have lung cancer. We don't know yet the prognosis, etc, but he will begin radiation treatments next week sometime. Well, we all are pretty devastated even though we kind of knew this would probably happen at some point since he smoked all his adult life. I can't get angry at him for smoking because I understand that times and the world were much different when his habit was entrenched. And he did drastically reduce it in recent years.

I feel a bit numb right now, though moments of emotion break through. It recalls the sadness and disappointment of my mother's and grandmother's illnesses over a decade ago. Knowing that we all face these things in life doesn't make it any easier when it happens.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Prayer Request

Dear friends, please, if you ever pray or somehow meditate for better things, my family needs good thoughts sent our way. My dad is in the hospital again with more pneumonia. He just got out of the hospital a couple of weeks ago after a week's stay for pneumonia in his left lung. It seems he went home a little too soon, and now it has spread to his right lung and he has broken a rib from coughing so much. There is some concern about a tumor since he has smoked all his adult life, and they are doing a procedure today to look inside his lungs and take biopsies and cultures if necessary. Sorry for the less than happy news, and thanks for any prayers and good thoughts you can spare.

Stubbed TOEs and Other Pains

This was the post I was working on before my appendix blew. Obviously, even more pains worse than stubbed TOES and dead hard drives were lurking in the near future, little did I know. ;-) (no "seer" is 100% accurate due to the probabilistic nature of our world) These words are no longer really timely or relevant, but what the hell, here they are anyway:


11/07

Let me do the other pains first.

The last couple of weeks have been full of all kinds of annoyances and disasters. The source of the worst and still continuing pains has been the dead hard drive in my old desktop. I did manage to recover my Quickbooks and some percentage of my Paintshop files before it completely died, but because I'm a jack of all trades but master of none it has been somewhat challenging.

Well, what do you expect from a $15,000 employee whose titles and jobs range from bookkeeper to human resources to payroll processing to IT manager? I mean really, according to this website the average Information Technology Manager earns about $100,000 dollars annually. Check the links of the other jobs and you'll see how much I should be making. ;-)

Okay, so, since the Quickbooks on the old computer was the 2002 version I thought I'd go ahead and upgrade to the 2008 version since I had to get a new computer anyway. Well, I really kind of hate Quickbooks and Intuit because they are constantly bringing out new versions and making it difficult to continue using the older versions. It's accounting. How much new stuff can there be every year? Not enough to keep "upgrading" software. Jesus. It's a rip-off. And they want you to subscribe (means pay for) all these other services like online backups, payroll updates, etc. blah, blah, blah. And it's really disturbing that all of your business information that you put into "their" software that you're only paying for the "use of" (license) ends up being inaccessible to you without certain codes and whatnot. Hey fuckers, it's my information in there and you can't steal it from me. I've exceeded my f-bomb quota for the entire year in the last few hours. ;-)

Anyway, I did successfully install the upgrade, but when I was trying to register it ends up that I have to call a number to get a validation code. What? You can't fool me. I know that's just another one of their ploys to get me talking to one of their salesmen who's going to try to sell me a bunch of their shit that I don't need. Is it not enough that they got $200 out of me already?

And get this. In my old Quickbooks I could manually enter paychecks and do all my own payroll processing, but now in this new one they won't even let me do that. I have to pay at least $99 more per year just to be able to track my two employee payroll! This is enough to make me go postal on them. Where is the Intuit headquarters where I can go and tell them in person just how disgusted and outraged I am about their evil business practices? If you read about some crazy woman going postal at the Intuit headquarters it might be me!

Okay, I'll leave that rant and move on to the Stubbed TOE. The big buzz in the science news has been a surfer dude's Theory of Everything. Well, he did make a pretty picture of it, but just because we can create vivid images of things doesn't make them real.




While watching that video I keep thinking intuitively I can see that this "simple" explanation just cannot 'evolve' into the complex universe that we see today. There is no universe in those pretty pictures. It looks to me like the surfer dude has just created a system of explaining how to move those points around in certain patterns. But how that translates into a Theory of Everything just isn't clear at all. He and his advocates call themselves "seers" but as you know, I'm a seer too. ;-) And I ain't seein' anything in this "theory." Well, actually, what keeps coming to my mind is "snowflakes." (If that means anything to anyone then please let me know.)

Other than the scientific aspects of this story, I have to say that this surfer dude seems like a typical slacker who's looking for an easy way to make it. Lubos perfectly summarizes my thoughts too in response to a comment about the recent passing of Sidney Coleman:

LM: Unfortunately, it's not just irony, it's another example of great minds being systematically replaced by cheap crap. What do the media do? For many days, they don't even report about one of the greatest theoretical physicists of the last 50 years - it is much more important to refer a politically correct story about a "poor" imbecile whose main result is a "theory of everything" - a textbook example of a childish proposal that can't work according to a theorem known for several decades. I am irritated by the breathtaking hypocrisy of those proponents of the "right" thinkers. For example, crackpot Lisi is promoted because it is poor. Tell it to most guys in Africa or even Europe - offer them to be poor so that they can surf for whole days on Hawaii. I think that most of them will instantly accept this kind of poverty. But he paints himself as "poor", so he is welcome even though his physical theory and physics knowledge is just a small piece of shit. But the media serve this shit as a yummy dinner. And most of them won't even tell you about Sidney Coleman. The world is just going to hell.

To add to that, if you want to read more of this surfer dude's confused blather about things other than physics you can find it at Bee's.

In addition to that, if you want more details about it all, you can Google it or go to The Reference Frame.

I couldn't resist putting in my 2 cents worth about it. Well, if you ask me, this theory is really only worth about 2 cents anyway. I'm sorry if I've stubbed or stepped on anyone's TOE or toes, but generally, if I'm allowed a little immodesty, my intuition about these things is pretty good. I think the main point of this entire story is that even the scientific world has fallen into the Hollywood fakery mentality that relies only on superficial and artificial prettiness and unlikely plots.

I think the perfect ending to this would be that a little old hillbilly housewife from Tennessee with no formal physics training falsifies the surfer dude's TOE with her own pretty picture:

[unfortunately I couldn't figure out how to post my pretty .gif animation]

Wouldn't that be a perfect, unexpected and unlikely Hollywood plot twist? ;-)

Demerol Daze and Zombie Nurses

Every day brings some improvement in my condition, and later this afternoon I will go to the doctor to have the staples removed from my belly and for a check-up, etc. I was going to post a picture of the three staples in my navel and call it "Temporary Triple Navel Piercing", but it was really much too gruesome to share. ;-) The surgeon did that laproscopic surgery to remove what was left of my appendix and whatever else he did in there (I'll get more details today, I hope), so instead of one large incision there are three small ones. I'm uncertain that there is any advantage to that because the pain has been equal to if not greater than the one large incision I got when having babies and a hysterectomy. Maybe it has to do with the nature of the illness/injury and other factors.

One weird irony is that when my mom was 43 her appendix ruptured, but she ended up in the hospital for a whole month because of it. I think I can thank improved surgical and antibiotic treatments for my much shorter hospital stay. Twenty-one years of medical advancements have made a lot of difference!

I'm sure the nurses hated me because I was very whiny and tearful. But I guess they are used to such things and don't think about it so much. Well, it really does suck to be in constant pain and have the other inconveniences and indignities one suffers when incapacitated in a hospital bed. My IV was in the crook of my right arm so that every time I bent my arm the IV machine beeped and beeped and beeped and beeped. Very annoying for us all, but apparently that was the best vein they could find for it. Both of my hands are bruised from where they played pin the needle to the vein to draw blood for testing white blood counts, etc. I have those 'rolling' veins that means one stick usually won't do the trick. Add to that the 30+ Demerol/Phenergan injections in my hips over the five days and it's enough to really call myself a human pin cushion. On Saturday my first IV finally blew so they had to put a new one in the soft underside of my forearm. Talk about painful! But at least I could move without that incessant beeping.

I had lots of weird dreams during my demerol daze and dozing. One was about a black hole sucking us all up and some others I just can't recall now. But they were weird for sure. At one point I was half awake and a nurse was there I and thought she was a zombie. Her hands were ice cold and smelled like a morgue, or at least what I thought a morgue would smell like. It could have been myself that I was smelling because it had been a few days since I'd had more than a slight sponge bath, but who knows? She also had on what I'd call zombie makeup: dark, exaggerated eyeliner and eye shadow. She was a fine nurse, I'm sure, but in my demerol daze she really did frighten me a little.

There are some other events that are just too graphic and gross to share. But I will say that my psyche is still somewhat bruised by that whole experience. However, I am extremely thankful for modern medicine that has saved my life again. If I were a cat, I'd have used up about half of my nine lives now. I'm also very thankful for my husband who apparently still loves me even though he's seen me at my absolute worst. I've been a lot of trouble for him over the years, but he doesn't seem fazed by it. Yet. I really hope not to ever put him through such things again.

So that's just a little summary of my last week. I hope everyone else's has been much less eventful and stressful. And let's all say a prayer of thanks for the modern technologies that we sometimes take for granted. The only worry now is how in the world are we going to pay for it? ;-)

Toolshed Blues

To Whom It May Concern,

Every so often in life we come to a crossroads and have to choose which direction to go. Sometimes people make deals with the Devil at crossroads. I don't know the Devil, and I might not know him if I saw him. Nobody's offering me any deals anyway. I'm all on my own here.

For some time now this old hoe's been feeling pretty rusty and useless. Maybe it's time to close up the old toolshed.

Maybe Vicious Momma has run her course. The scenery is starting to get a little boring and uninspired.

As a parting gift, or consolation prize, here's a nice blues video:



Led Zeppelin performing Willie Dixon's "I Can't Quit You Baby"

God, that's so good it hurts deep down inside...

Communist Capitalism and Other Ignorances

China

Mattel is having to recall even more made in China toys, announced yesterday. (sorry no link, but I'm not the only person who knows how to google) Again, this recall mostly involves lead paint. You see, this is what happens when communists try capitalism. They suck!! And of course, China is trying to blame Mattel, other American companies, and the American consumers for causing them to use lead paint. Hello? Is China run by a bunch of two year olds? Listen, if you're doing business and your customer wants you to do something that you can't afford, you don't agree to it and give them toxic or defective products, etc. The way capitalism works is that you negotiate with your customers to protect your own profit while still being trustworthy and honorable. Capitalism won't work in the absence of trust between customer and supplier. Capitalism isn't like communism where everyone is told what to do and there is no argument. ;-)

And don't for one second even consider that China has a case against America and its consumers because they are smart enough to know that Mattel is a huge account to win. And don't even think that China wasn't telling Mattel all kinds of bullshit to win that account. China was making all kinds of promises they knew they couldn't and wouldn't keep just to get Mattel's business. Mattel isn't the bad guy here. Not that Mattel doesn't have some responsibility either, but the bulk of the blame must go to China and its unethical, communist business practices. If China really wants to be a big player in the world economy they are going to have to learn to play by the rules.

Lotteries

I just read a comment implying that Americans are statistically challenged and part of the evidence for that was the example of lotteries. On the surface that might look like an okay statement, but it's not. It reveals an ignorance of some aspects of lottery play. One is that the chances of winning some amount of money on scratch-offs is pretty high actually. People win small amounts (single digits up to thousands of dollars) very frequently, and I know some people who make a pretty decent bonus from their lotto play. Are they just lucky? I don't think so. I think that some of them have a natural talent with probabilities and statistics and managing risk. But just because they aren't employed as statisticians or aren't high falutin academics doesn't mean that they are dumb.

A second point of contention is that this person called lotteries "taxes for the numerically disabled" which is insulting as well as wrong. They are NOT taxes because they are voluntarily played games of chance. I don't get to flip a coin to decide whether or not I have to pay my income taxes or property taxes or sales taxes or any other taxes. Lotteries are NOT taxes. And to call people "numerically disabled" is purely prejudiced hatred of lower income and less educated people. I hate to burst any overblown bubbles (well, I don't really hate it), but just because someone is of a "lower" social class does not mean that they are poor or uneducated or stupid. Some people really just want simple, honest lives without all the affectations and pretense of a "higher class" life. I really hate snobbery and pretense in whatever forms they take.

Well, that's all the rant for now, but I might return to add more as this shitty day continues. I'm not feeling well and the world should be happy that I'm not a super-human because today I might turn my powers against anyone who annoys, disappoints, or otherwise pisses me off. Thank you. :-)

The Dark Side

The dark side's callin' now, nothin' is real

"On the Dark Side" by John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band

Sometimes I have the opposite of Messianic fantasies. Sometimes I wish I could be the vigilante anti-hero who rids the world of all the asshole bullies running around being mean and nasty. If I had the gumption to write fiction I'd tell the story of Rae the Emasculator, a modern female incarnation of Vlad the Impaler. But instead of impaled bodies the Emasculator would string up all the nuts of the asshole bullies. Of course, my weapon of choice would be a hoe. ;-) Maybe sometimes it would be a razor sharp one for when time is at a premium, and maybe sometimes it would be a dull, rusty one for when I want to devote a little more time to my task (and want to inflict more pain.) Some men truly do not deserve to have testicles.

You can't have light without dark. Just last night I was watching a show and heard a guy say that if you played a guitar on Mercury you wouldn't hear the sound because there is no atmosphere to transmit the sound waves. Well, of course, I had learned that in school but hadn't thought about it since then. It was one of those "oh yeah" moments. Just because we have no way of detecting or sensing something does not mean it doesn't exist. Those guitar strings are still vibrating and sending out waves of energy even though we can't hear them. We all have a dark side even if we don't recognize it or acknowledge it. The Universe has its Darkness too.

Not to sound all Star Wars or anything, but this light and dark balance stuff has been around a lot longer than George Lucas. When I was a kid I sometimes secretly wanted to be Darth Vader. The power of the dark side is seductive. The ability to crush your enemies with your mind was very appealing to a girl who was frequently by bullied by boys. Before the boys grew bigger than me I used to kick them between the legs when they were mean to me. (the Emasculator tendency started young) But after they outgrew me I had no physical means of fighting back. But if I could have crushed their nuts with my mind, there would presently be quite a few sterile bullies in the Southeast.

Well, I suppose I've frightened every male who has happened to read this. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about as long as you are nice. And why would you expect anything less from a Vicious Momma? ;-)


PS Another little bit of disclosure: the truth is unfortunately that I am genetically 25% pitch fork.

What the World Needs Now

"... is love, sweet love..." Uh, nope. That's not really what I was going to say. I was going to say, "What the world needs now is a conservative female dictator."

That's right. ;-)

Today I've been told that fascism is an inherently leftist philosophy. When did they change that definition? I hate this postmodern crap. My pre-postmodern education which ended 21 years ago told me that fascism isn't necessarily "left" or "right". It can be either. But apparently because recent fascists have been socialists of some variety it has been decided that fascism is necessarily "leftist." Whoda thunk it?

Well, let's play that postmodern game for a minute. Let's give them some new evidence so they can change their definition again, back to its orginal, non-"handed" meaning.

I would be a perfect conservative, "rightist," fascist dictator. Give me that power and I'll prove it. ;-) I could easily crush that notion that fascism is inherently "leftist" or socialist. And actually, I think that is exactly what the world needs about right now. A conservative female fascist. A Vicious Momma to rule the world. ;-) I could whip, scold, scorn, reprimand, and time-out (imprison) everyone into better behavior. There are too many people running around these days who have never known real punishment. That's what's wrong with the world. I could change that. Yes, I do think that is what the world needs now.



"Ironman" by Black Sabbath as played on the game Guitar Hero. My eleven year old has this game and has played this song for me, but this isn't his video.

The other day AOL had a poll asking what Hillary's campaign theme song should be. I didn't look or think about it because I didn't have time and then got sick. Maybe she should use this song. It's pretty catchy. ;-)

Stress Tests

New gray hairs added within the last week:

father-in-law died last Tuesday (after three long, difficult weeks in hospital)
youngest son got strep throat last Wednesday
father-in-law's funeral with vultures attending Friday
father-in-law's burial with vultures attending Saturday
online vultures on Monday
youngest son got severe rash, fever, etc. due to mono Today


They say things happen in threes. That's a double dose there. Well, as they say, "What doesn't kill you makes stronger." Or maybe it's, "What doesn't kill you makes you crazy."

Illness Update

I just got back from a recheck of my lung at the doctor's office. The pneumonia seems to be mostly cleared up now, and the pleurisy is completely cleared up. So that's good news, but I'm still pretty weak and easily breathless. But that should also improve over the next week or so. There is one spot of something that could be scarring or some other relic of this illness that they want to check again in the future. Well, it's probably nothing, but considering my family history I am having to seriously consider giving up my favorite guilty pleasure (not blogging, that's my second favorite ;-) ). As enjoyable as it is, it's not worth dying for. Maybe it's time to just grow the hell up.

News of the Week

First of all I am so happy that the missing Missouri boy has been found alive. What great news! And even more miraculous is that another boy who had been missing four years was also found at the same place. It seems clear to me that anyone who preys upon children is subhuman and doesn't have the same rights as normal people.

On a much sadder note, two families here are mourning the most horrible murders of a young couple. Four black men are charged with the abduction and murders of a young white couple, 21 year old Channon Christian and 23 year old Chris Newsom.



Apparently, what started as a car-jacking ended up in two murders. The only reason I mention the race issue is because we all know that if it had been a young black couple murdered by four white men the crime would have been all over the national news just like the false rape of a black woman by however many white men (Duke lacrosse team case).

Well, my deepest sympathy goes to the families who have lost their beautiful children. I just can't imagine the pain and sorrow they must be feeling. And my sympathy goes to the families of the murderers, too, because it must be a very horrible feeling to know that your relative has done something so bad.

Lastly, on the person front, I'm suffering from pleurisy. It's probably the result of the bad cold (or flu) I had over the Christmas holidays, but I'm just guessing. I have to go to the doctor again on Monday to make sure it is responding to the antibiotics.

They gave me a bit of a scare yesterday after taking the chest x-ray. They immediately sent me to the hospital for a CT scan to make sure that I didn't have a pulmonary embolism. The good news is that I don't have that.

Have you ever had a CT scan? They are pretty cool, and the machine looks and sounds like something from a sci-fi movie. The freakiest part was the feeling of the contrast dye being shot through my veins.

Well, I must now go rest my sickly little self.

Illness Update: Spoke with the doctor Monday, and apparently I had pneumonia and didn't know it and so it progressed to pleurisy. I am getting better slowly. At least now I can breathe without pain. I don't know why I get so sick, except maybe I'm some kind of freak who wants to see just how sick I can get before going to the doctor. ;-)