Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Dark Side

The dark side's callin' now, nothin' is real

"On the Dark Side" by John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band

Sometimes I have the opposite of Messianic fantasies. Sometimes I wish I could be the vigilante anti-hero who rids the world of all the asshole bullies running around being mean and nasty. If I had the gumption to write fiction I'd tell the story of Rae the Emasculator, a modern female incarnation of Vlad the Impaler. But instead of impaled bodies the Emasculator would string up all the nuts of the asshole bullies. Of course, my weapon of choice would be a hoe. ;-) Maybe sometimes it would be a razor sharp one for when time is at a premium, and maybe sometimes it would be a dull, rusty one for when I want to devote a little more time to my task (and want to inflict more pain.) Some men truly do not deserve to have testicles.

You can't have light without dark. Just last night I was watching a show and heard a guy say that if you played a guitar on Mercury you wouldn't hear the sound because there is no atmosphere to transmit the sound waves. Well, of course, I had learned that in school but hadn't thought about it since then. It was one of those "oh yeah" moments. Just because we have no way of detecting or sensing something does not mean it doesn't exist. Those guitar strings are still vibrating and sending out waves of energy even though we can't hear them. We all have a dark side even if we don't recognize it or acknowledge it. The Universe has its Darkness too.

Not to sound all Star Wars or anything, but this light and dark balance stuff has been around a lot longer than George Lucas. When I was a kid I sometimes secretly wanted to be Darth Vader. The power of the dark side is seductive. The ability to crush your enemies with your mind was very appealing to a girl who was frequently by bullied by boys. Before the boys grew bigger than me I used to kick them between the legs when they were mean to me. (the Emasculator tendency started young) But after they outgrew me I had no physical means of fighting back. But if I could have crushed their nuts with my mind, there would presently be quite a few sterile bullies in the Southeast.

Well, I suppose I've frightened every male who has happened to read this. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about as long as you are nice. And why would you expect anything less from a Vicious Momma? ;-)

PS Another little bit of disclosure: the truth is unfortunately that I am genetically 25% pitch fork.

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