To Whom It May Concern (or not):

I'm going to indulge in a bit of rambling today. It seems I'm feeling a little lost, no not lost, but disoriented. Sometimes the Earth seems to not be spinning just right on its axis so that I get a little topsy-turvy. In my reading about butterflies I learned that it's probably some kind of magnetic thing that guides Monarch butterflies in their sometimes thousands-of-miles-long migrations. Well, if a butterfly can have some kind of magnetic thing then why can't I? ;-) And though I don't really know much about any of that stuff I have read that the Earth's magnetic poles are shifting and that they have always done this. Anyway, whatever. Unfortunately, I'll probably never learn exactly why I feel this way sometimes.

I've had several posts started, but I can't seem to finish any of them yet. Primarily, I've been thinking about Cognitive Pyschology and Spirituality, Feminism (pros and cons, but mostly cons), the problems with Anthropic reasoning, Biological vs. Environmental Influences, Tricksters in History, and Magic Words and Alchemy. Is your head spinning yet? Mine is. LOL Maybe it's more than my poor little brain can handle.

Anyway, I just know there is some thread of something that will lead me back to my point. Whatever that is. You see, I'm so disoriented that I can't even decide if I need to go forewards, backwards, up, down, or what.

It's raining today. It's a nice steady rain, and while I was soaking in a hot bath (I hurt my back over the weekend) I opened the window over the tub so I could listen to the rainfall. I wish I could say it offered some relief or insight, but it didn't. It just sounded nice. Even Nature is ignoring me today.

And even writing this rambling piece of nothing I'm losing my way. David left very early this morning to go to Florida for a few days with his dad and brother. The disorientation isn't related to that because it was happening previous to that. I hope he has fun. He rarely gets to take any kind of break like that. And it's important now because his dad just had colon cancer surgery a few weeks ago. They got it all, but he's starting some chemo after he gets back as a precaution.

I've got some kind of spider or bug bite on my foot. It could be a brown recluse bite, but I didn't see what did it. I've had a couple of bites like this before. It's very painful and a little swollen. It will heal but leave a scar like the others. I wonder if I get bitten enough will I be like Spiderman? That would probably suck. Superheroes have hard lives. ;-) So does the Trickster. Both do tend to get beat up a lot, either from bad guys or people who don't like what you have for them. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, they say. I don't know if it's really possible not to. Be kind to your critics if you can shut them up that way, but if you can't, beat the shit out of them. LOL It doesn't pay to be moderate with some people because they'll just stab you in the back next chance they get. Et tu, Brute?

Well, it's time for me to go pick up the kids.

I have "issues" LOL

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (60%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own. Anal (40%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity. Phallic (70%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires. Latency (50%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests. Genital (43%) you appear to be somewhere between a progressive/openminded and regressive/closeminded outlook on life.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

From the Chimerical Mailbag

(It's been a while since I've done one of these.)


Dear Rae Ann,

You are so corny. Your whole blog theme is dumb.

A Cynic


Dear Cynic,

True enough, I suppose, but the world would be much better off with more corniness and less cynicism. My advice to you is don't reproduce.

Sincerely,
Rae Ann


Hey Rae Ann,

What do you think about Pat Robertson's(oops! I just wasn't right in the head yesterday, lol) Buchanan's new book that says we're under an invasion from Mexico?

Curious


Hi Curious,

I think he's been reading my blog! ;-)

Thanks,
Rae Ann


Rae Ann,

Are you really a psychic? I think you're just delusional. There is no such thing as psychic ability.

A Skeptic


Hi Skeptic,

I hope to be able to better answer your question in the near future. Of course, I know that I'll never be able to convince you differently. ;-)

Madame Rae Ann


Dear Rae Ann,

I've noticed that you've been the victim of some plagiarism. What are you going to do?

Concerned Reader

Dear Concerned Reader,

Thanks for noticing. :-) I was kind of pissed at first, but then I realized that some people just can't think for themselves and have to steal other people's ideas. I'm very generous. Especially to the needy. I'm not as dumb as many people want to think. ;-)

Yours,
Rae Ann

Pluto's Wrath

Yesterday 'they' (the astronomical 'they') demoted Pluto from a real planet to a dwarf planet. Pluto is/was the God of the Underworld. Now, I'm not sure about astronomers, but I'm not too keen on picking on any gods of the underworld. That's just asking for trouble. ;-)

And trouble is what yesterday was all about as you might have noticed from my pictorial posts. The first was the skull-and-crossbones, albeit a pretty and sparkly version, which is the symbol for danger. The second was Munch's famous painting called The Scream.

Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words so I'm keeping this short. I'll just say that Pluto chose my household to be the recipient of his wrath and dissatisfaction at being defenestrated.

Childhood Ambitions

What did you wish you could do when you were a child?

Have you found that no matter how fantastical it might have been then, that now you can in some way do that thing, even just in a small way?

This idea has been knocking around my mind for a while, but a recent comment I made at CIP's pretty well summed up one of my childhood ambitions. Here's part of the comment in case you don't want to click a link:

And my amateur psychoanalysis is an offshoot of my childhood ambition to be able to do the "Vulcan Mind Meld" like Spock. Of course, it might be more effective if I could actually put my fingers on someone's head to 'read' him. And in certain cases, I might even require to 'meld' in a more intense and exhaustive manner in order to really get the full picture. ;-)

Yeah, I'm a geek and I love the original Star Trek. I grew up watching it. I never got into the newer shows.



To me as a child the Vulcan Mind Meld was incredibly sexy. I so wanted to be able to do that, or have it done to me. And yes, I was somewhat precocious and sensed the intimacy of such an act even if I didn't think of it in explicitly sexual ways. Maybe I was a little bit in love with Spock because he could do that, and I thought that really experiencing another's thoughts and feelings was as close to them as you could get.





One of my favorite episodes was "Devil in the Dark" in which Spock manages to do the Mind Meld with the silicon-based Horta to learn that it was a she, a momma in fact, that was protecting her eggs. A man who could even communicate with a rock was alright by me. ;-)

It's unfortunate that Freud never mastered the Vulcan Mind Meld, but then it wasn't even invented when he was alive. ;-) I've been studying a bit about the history of feminism in preparation for a post about the New Feminine Mystique. In my reading I found that Freud longed to understand women but never succeeded. He once said:

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is, what does a woman want?

Well, Dr. Freud, I have an answer for you, but this isn't quite the time for that yet. I'd just like to say that it doesn't require that a man knows know to do the Vulcan Mind Meld, but it does have to do with his willingness to let a woman do that to him.

Stay tuned for the next installment...

Update: Clicking the above sentence will take you to my answer to Freud.

Efficacy, Or Tommy's Been Hoed

Somehow I must have revived some long dormant neurons to have thought of the word "efficacy" after not thinking of it for so many years. Who says certain substances kill brain cells? ;-)


Paramount has given Tommy Cruise the boot. If you'll look at my sidebar at the listing of "Bad Seeds, Noxious Weeds, and Pitch Forks" you'll see that he is number two on the list. (Number one is some sociology professor who called me a bad mother just because I disagreed with him.) Tommy was put on that list because of his bad-mouthing Brooke Shields and psychiatry. (Coincidentally, I had my own psychiatric check-up this morning which went just fine thank you.) I have been boycotting Tom Cruise ever since his stupid outbursts. Apparently, Paramount noticed and acted appropriately. ;-)

Unedited

I am, I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why

"I Am, I Said" by Neil Diamond

The following is an unedited expression. Please, no one take any offense.

Subject: Through Perelman's Eyes
Time: 1:25:25 PM EDT
Author: ramskates
Mood: Sad
Music: "shot down in a blaze of glory"

I really wish I could run away this week. I wish I could go off alone into the 'wilderness' with some pot and not much else. Sometimes the life inside my head is so much more interesting than the life outside of it.

There's a mathematical genius named Perelman who is probably mentally ill and in need of medication and other treatment, but because he's a 'genius' people think it's cool or neat or admirable that he's isolating himself and that his illness is causing his judgment to be clouded. Apparently, he's solved some big thing, and that is cool and all that, but I have to wonder if he's fallen into some let-down over it. Sometimes chasing a big mystery will spur people's lives and when they finally solve it, it is so anti-climactic they crash. Perhaps he's sad that his life seems to have no purpose any more? Perhaps the answer he found has led him to conclude that Life isn't what he had hoped. I don't know jack-shit about that deep math. But I can imagine that solving a big riddle like that might seem like a disappointment. Not that I don't like solving riddles. I do. And I'm one of those people who gets very impatient if I can't figure one out in due time. But most of the riddles I experience involve people, and to be blunt, people are much less cooperative than numbers.

Yes, I want to repeat that. People riddles are much less cooperative than number riddles. I'm weary of trying to solve people riddles. If I could join Perelman in his isolation I would. I'm tired of trying to figure it all out too. And the things I have figured out do seem of little consequence because NO ONE LISTENS AND NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE.

But of course, the big difference here is that no one offers me any awards for my work. No recognition. No money. No nothing. Of course, I've not solved any big scientific mysteries (well, not that anyone can recognize). But if he doesn't like money or want to use it for better purposes, why doesn't someone offer it to someone who would appreciate it and use it for good? I'm rambling, but "fuck all y'all", as my friends in NC like to say.

Fuck all y'all.

I'm sure that's exactly what Perelman is thinking too.

So, who's a liar?

Saw this at Guy's Savage Farming:




In some interesting timing, a previous post "I Was Wrong" has experienced a burst of traffic in the last few days.

Another quiz

Found this one at the same place as the sportscar one. That site has an interesting explanation of the origins of the idea behind this one.

I'm a Talent!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 64%
Lifer: 44%
Mandarin: 38%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

But of course!

(Saw this at Kat's.)

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Monday and Hormonal Nonsense

This would be better if it had a picture to go with it.

You scored as Sloppy and Weird. You are the sloppy and weird happy bunny. You aren't neat and you aren't normal and you don't mind Sloppy and Weird 100% Cute but Psycho 92% Kiss My Ass 83% You Suck and Thats Sad 67% It's All About Me 58% Love Sucks 50% I Hate You so Bad 25% You Smell Like Butt 17% What's Your Happy Bunny? created with QuizFarm.com

You Are 66% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

You Are Iceman

You tried to live a normal life, but it just wasn't possible A bit of a slacker, you'd rather tell jokes than cultivate your powers Powers: turning self and others into ice, making ice weapons, becoming nearly invisible

Which of the X-Men Are You?

... And I feel fine...

There's nothing like being called a racist jerk to start off a lovely weekend.

The buzz this morning is that Korea is going to 'test' a nuclear bomb next week; I think probably on Israel with Iran's asistance, etc.

That disgusting piece of human waste by the name of John Karr deserves neither justice nor life. Let me at him. With a big sharp knife.

R.E.M. lyrics to ponder...

"It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)"

That's great, it starts with an earthquake,
birds and snakes, an aeroplane-
Lenny Bruce is not afraid.

Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn-
world serves its own needs, don't misserve your own needs.
Feed it up a knotch, speed, grunt no, strength no.
Ladder structure clatter with fear fight, down height
Wire in a fire, representing seven games in a government for hire and a combat site. Left her, wasn't coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.
Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered, crop.
Look at that low plane! Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common group, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs
Listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and
the revered and the right - right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched

It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine

Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign towers.
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn.
Lock him in uniform and book burning, blood letting.
Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a motive. step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crush. Uh-oh, this means no fear- cavalier.
Renegade steer clear! A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

(chorus)
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
(it's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
it's time I had some time alone)
I feel fine

It's the end of the world as we know it
(it's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it
(it's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
(it's time I had some time alone)

The other night I tripped, a nice continental drift divide.
Mountains sit in a line.
Leonard Bernstein, Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam, but neck, right? Right

It's the end of the world as we know it
(it's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it
(it's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
(it's time I had some time alone)

It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
(it's time I had some time alone)

It's the end of the world as we know it
(it's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it
(it's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
(it's time I had some time alone)

It's the end of the world as we know it
(it's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it
(it's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
(it's time I had some time alone)
(fade)

Thanks to DHammett here are alternative lyrics. Honestly, I've listened several times and compared them and can't decide which are correct:

That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and
snakes, an aeroplane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn - world
serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs. Feed
it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, Ladder
start to clatter with fear fight down height. Wire
in a fire, representing seven games, a government
for hire and a combat site. Left of west and coming in
a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck. Team
by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing! Fine, then. Uh oh,
overflow, population, common food, but it'll do. Save
yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs,
listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and
the revered and the right, right. You vitriolic,
patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty
psyched.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign
towers. Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself
churn. Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood
letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no
fear cavalier. Renegade steer clear! A tournament,
tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions,
offer me alternatives and I decline.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental
drift divide. Mountains sit in a line, Leonard
Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester
Bangs. Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You
symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel
fine...fine...

Psychophysics

This is NOT about crazy physicists. ;-)

I'm in a kind of frisky, giddy mood today. I'm not sure why exactly, but why question it if it feels good? LOL Well, actually, I ask myself 'why' so I can know how to reproduce this feeling later or maybe it's to know whether or not I have any control over it. Ack. I'm getting away from myself.

I was a psychophysicist and didn't even know it. (click for the wikipedia article about Psychophysics) For my senior thesis I did this terribly hokey experiment that was meant to measure autonomic (physical) responses related to specific emotions in response to four different colors. It was supposed to be about affective ('scientific' word for "emotional") perception of color and trying to match that to changes in galvanic skin response (one of the measurements also used in lie-detecting tests). Because of the confluence of many outside factors I was totally not into it and did the very minimum required to say that I did an experiment. Add to that the fact that my college was a tiny, four-year (some took the five year option) liberal arts college without the resources to do a lot of real research. I did not get any statistically significant results (except maybe one tiny thing, but I'd have to dig that thing out and read it since it's been so long ago) which I'm pretty sure had more to do with the badly designed experiment than with a bad idea. ;-)

If I had ever heard the word 'psychophysics' back then I surely did forget it, though one of my favorite classes studied perception more deeply and was probably responsible for my continued interest in it. I think we used the term 'psychometrics' for that stuff instead of 'psychophysics'. Maybe that is because we discussed the measuring more than the measurements. Or maybe I should say that differently. We didn't get very far into how to interpret the measurements.

One of the issues we covered in that class (and many others, actually, it was drilled into us) was how the use of humans in experiments is restricted to things that don't harm them permanently and all that. And these limits in what could be done therefore limited what kind of ideas we could actually test. And I always thought that kind of sucked. ;-) Back in my reckless youth I was much more inclined to say if someone wanted to donate his living brain to science then let him. (I was very naive. I didn't consider the 'dark' side of things so much.) I felt that putting such limits on what we could do would eventually lead to the demise of this line of theoretical psychology and that there would be questions we could never answer. But from a quick search it looks as if it is still an active area of research. (I'm not current enough to know immediately if it is good research or useless.) But maybe new technologies have greatly expanded the types of acceptable experiments that can be done which in turn has possibly even led to some previously unrecognized questions and ideas. It is an evolution of ideas.

That goofy color-emotion "study" wasn't what I really wanted to do. I had become very interested in psychobiology and had developed some ideas that I wanted to explore. Probably the main one was that I wanted to see if there was any kind of relationship between a woman's testosterone levels and certain traits, behaviors, etc. I hypothesized that women with higher testosterone levels had more male-like personalities, aptitudes, etc. Women do produce some testosterone, just as men produce some female hormones too. I guess similar studies could be done regarding their influence on men, if any, but I was more interested in understanding myself and other women in those days. One of the objections to my idea was that this small amount of hormone couldn't possibly have that much effect on development and behavior (from a Cognitive professor). Another question was about what use that information might be (from a First Generation Feminist and Behaviorist professor). At that time there were only two psychology professors at my school. A third (Psychophysiologist) was hired after my stupid thesis was already under way.

-
Well, shit. I had to leave this for several hours and now I've lost my point. And my good mood seemed to fade and escape any clear classification. Oh, well, just another frustration to have to cogitate away.

Inspiring Lyrics

I found this quite by 'accident' yesterday. It is a worthy companion to Desiderata:


EVERBODY'S FREE (TO WEAR SUNSCREEN) by Baz Luhrmann

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear Sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine. (my god, that is SO true!)

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen

Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Everybody's free oh yeah
Everybody's free oh yeah