It's especially pathetic to realize that I have essentially made no progress in the past year. Just looking over my posts from one year ago it's apparent that I'm still struggling with the same internal problems and concerns.
But now I can add that the big 4-0 is fast approaching. Throughout my thirties I've been promising myself that turning forty would not be some traumatic event. But the closer it gets the more yucky it looks. What's up with that? Is it knowing that my life is at least half over? Is it the realization that youth and beauty are gone and forgotten? I don't really care about wrinkles and gray hair, but goddamn, it's hard to maintain a sensible attitude when all of society is against you. Everywhere you look are images of young, and artificially young, women whose only concerns are how they look and how other people look. It's disgusting.
Well, let's not get into some big rant about that shit. Maybe I should turn my disgust to China. My dad has already announced that for Christmas he will not be buying the kids anything made in China. That's fine by me. Stupid plastic shit. Looking around my house I wonder how much of the Chinese made crap is full of lead paint or some other poison that we don't know about. Stupid communists don't know or care about doing the right thing. What's the matter with them?
I was thinking of doing a sermonette on Crises of Faith, but I can't even muster up enough of whatever to do that. What's the opposite of faith? Distrust? Disappointment? Doubt? Disbelief? No, it's really apathy and indifference and emptiness.