Pimp My Ride

Well.... I did end up getting car, but it isn't American and it cost only a fraction of a brand new American car....

It is a 2005 Scion (made by Toyota) xB:






Pimped grills.


Thumpin' pimped amps and speakers. (but I kind of like that, lol)


Isn't it cute? It's my first foreign car. The guy who had it before us did all the cool customizations.

The main reason we got it, though, is because it gets 30-35 mpg which is more than twice what the beastly Expedition gets (about 14 mpg). If one is so-inclined he can accuse us of "going green", but in my world green = $$$ saved and not "saving the planet." ;-) We still have the Expedition (the beast) and still need it for hauling around all the extra kids that seem to congregate here. The xB only seats 5 compared to 8 with the beast. And it is paid for too.

Buying a car these days is almost as much hassle as buying a house, even when you pay with cash instead of getting a loan. You'd think if someone came in with a stack of cash they'd skip all the crap, but no, they still have all those forms and formalities. Blame it on the government. And it's just too bad for all the UAW people and the US automakers that we didn't buy one of their over-priced products. As I mentioned previously, we've already paid them enough (in bailouts) for a new car without actually getting anything.

And I finally got to do something that I've been thinking about for a while. I decided that the next time I have to fill out any kind of form that asked for "race" or "ethnicity" I would check the "other" box and specify that I am a "White Native American." Well, how many generations and centuries does it take to be considered "native"? I figure my people have been here pretty much since the beginning of the white "colonization" so probably I'm genetically separated enough from most Europeans to be considered ethnically distinct.

The Gadsden Flag

A potent symbol of American Freedom and Liberty:

White Trash and Proud of It

Canadian columnist, Heather Mallick, has called Sarah Palin's supporters "white trash" and has said Alaska is full of "drunks and crazy people," as well as saying very insulting things about Palin's teenage daughter's boyfriend.

Well, Ms. Mallick, I'm a white trash redneck and proud of it. And I think you and all of your Canadian elitists should be taken out behind the woodshed, or outhouse, ;-) and be whipped with some hickory branches, or maybe even some thorny blackberry branches. What you people just don't have is any respect for anyone who is different from you, and to me, that is much, much worse than being a country bumpkin or redneck.

I'm really shocked at the hatred directed at all of us normal people. But I guess I'm not that shocked about the hypocrisy spouted by so-called feminists and other rabid liberal opinionists.

Now here's this Mary Mitchell who says,

"Sarah Palin makes me sick. I hate that she was able to steal Barack Obama's mojo just by showing up wearing rimless glasses and a skirt."

Well, you know what, Obama makes me sick with all his lies and cheap shots and fake "change" based on what, class conflict and pitting the "haves" against the "have-nots" instead of focusing on the the real source of the trouble which is the very corruption in which he's been so entrenched and well-funded. Call me a racist if it makes you feel better, but it's not the color of his skin that makes me sick. It's his actions and character, or lack thereof. And there is no way you can compare me to that black columnist who hates Palin just because she's a white woman who "stole" Obama's "mojo."

And Wendy Doniger, Professor of the History of Religions, University of Chicago’s Divinity School, goes so far as to say this:

Her greatest hypocrisy is in her pretense that she is a woman.

Wow, now what exactly is the liberal feminist definition a woman? This is insane! I can't believe someone who is supposed to be well-educated could be so stupid. Well, actually, I'm not that surprised because of how many of these types I've encountered in my perusal of some "academic" blogs. Anyway, thirty years ago in the black community Obama wouldn't have been consider a "real" black because of his white mother. Oh, but I'm not allowed to say anything like that because that would make me a racist or something. Oh, God forbid I should even hint at some mildly race-related comment about the liberal Sacred Cow Pig, Obama.

And then there are other snobbish, elitist "academics" who proudly proclaim their hatred for Sarah Palin and try to defend their hatred by diminishing all of Palin's accomplishments by saying that she's just a "token feminist." And also claims that her hatred is justified because she thinks Palin is "rich." Great, that's such a perfect "academic-like" reason for hating anyone. ;-)

And really, all of this proud hatred is just completely stunning and unprecedented. I'm pretty sure that there wasn't even a fraction of this kind of elated hatred spouted so blatantly and cavalierly about black people back in the days when the civil rights movement was just beginning. I mean, wow, I just can't believe it.

You know what I really think, and this is not because of any hatred for anyone, is that all those who are so proud of their intolerance and ill will towards "white trash" or "rednecks" or Sarah Palin who actually does represent a great many normal, average women should be gathered up and whipped to shreds with those thorny blackberry branches until they learn the real meaning and consequences of their hatred.

Call me an evil conservative bitch if you like, but it's about time that those of us who have been so denigrated for so long stood up and said, "Enough, already!"

After all, no one ever said that democracy was supposed to be easy. ;-)

The Vicious Momma has spoken. Amen, go in peace. ;-)

PS In case anyone reads this and is somehow disappointed, please understand that the point of this post is to hold up a mirror and reflect back to all those intolerant haters exactly how ugly their hatred looks. To my liberal friends whom I love and don't want to offend, I know that not all liberals, feminists, etc are so full of hatred as the examples in this post.

Fairy Tale

This is a book "review" of the novel Fairy Tale by Walt Foreman (available at amazon also), who happens to be my best friend's brother though I don't really know Walt at all.

First of all, I recommend this book to everyone I know. I'll get to the reasons why soon enough, but since this is a very casual and 'off the cuff' review there are some other things I want to explain. If you're looking for more standard reviews please do click the links above or do your own google search. :-)

It is certainly no reflection on Walt's writing and book that it has taken me about 2.5 years to complete it (today). That actually is my own weird quirk about reading, and that I finished it at all should be seen as a sign of my fondness for it. In the months, years probably, between readings the story never left me completely and I frequently told myself to just go ahead and finish it already. But it is very difficult for me to sit still long enough to read fiction because there are so many other things that I want to do with my limited 'free' time. Usually I'm more interested in making things or thinking my own thoughts instead of reading someone else's imaginations, fantasies, and dreams. Okay, so maybe I'm a little selfish, but whatever. This isn't supposed to be about me anyway. ;-)

I thoroughly enjoyed Walt's style of writing which is pretty similar to the way that I think, with lots of long (and short) parentheticals, tangents, and skipping (sometimes wildly) from one topic or place to another. If you can't keep up with that kind of flow then you probably wouldn't like Fairy Tale. But I will say that Walt is a much better (and better trained) writer than I pretend to be, though sometimes he's a little heavy on the ostentatious vocabulary (but it sort of works because it adds to the tone and mood of the story and so on).

Basically, it is a story of unrequited love. Haven't we all had that experience? But the depth of emotion and obsession is impressive in this story and that is why I like it so much. As Walt attempts a pilgrimage to reclaim his beloved Abigail he encounters an amazing and hilarious bunch of characters that are probably closer to reality than most people, other than rural Tennesseans, realize. The outrageousness of his pilgrimage entertains as it reveals Walt's internal struggles with his love and obsession with Abigail.

I was intensely frustrated. My pilgrimage had devolved into beer and tortilla chips and a fishing show. The earth was hurtling through space, time was marching forward and I was moving no closer to my love. My love was at that moment quite likely forgetting me more than she had the moment before; I would soon be no more than a successfully repressed memory. How could this be called a pilgrimage?

Well, I've taken my own ill-fated pilgrimage many years ago, though it was quite different from Fairy Tale and I can't really describe it without needlessly reopening old wounds. However, it had it's fair share of drama, pleasant surprises, magic, frustration, and heartbreak. Perhaps that experience influenced my reading and (possibly) perverse pleasure in Fairy Tale. Maybe I shouldn't admit to having had many of the exact same thoughts and feelings described by Walt. Maybe Walt is really as insane as I can be? (please, dear Walt, if you ever read this, don't take offense at my amateur psychoanalysis as it is meant as a true compliment because I'm a little bit proud of the creativity, which seems pretty similar to your own, that is likely a side-effect of my mental instabilities/peculiarities)

Okay, this isn't much of a review so I should probably try to focus. I found Fairy Tale very poetic at times, and at others I found myself absorbed in the indulgent sensual descriptions of the world of Fairy Tale. I found myself wondering if Walt might have been smoking some good weed, though from what his sister has said that is probably not the case (but there should be no shame, Walt, if you might have done it). Was there anything I didn't like about the book? No not really, not anything that especially bothered me because I reminded myself that this is a Fairy Tale (even if somewhat autobiographical) and it is all about one man's obsession, fantasies, dreams, delusions, hallucinations, and faith in his version of God. (It might be a little preachy at times to those inclined away from Fundamentalist Christianity, but I didn't find the religious parts so bothersome.)

Have I said everything I meant to say? Oh, okay, a couple more things. While reading, I found myself thinking, "Well, I don't have to write this kind of story now because Walt has already done it well enough and I can just tell people to read it if they would like a peek into what is sometimes happening in my own often chaotic mind." Another thing I probably shouldn't admit to is that I almost like the idea of a man being so "in love" and obsessed with me that he would write an entire novel to try to win my heart, but surely that is just a symptom of my own madness. ;-) And although I might be privy to some extra knowledge about the backstory, etc, I still very much enjoyed reading this book and hope that Walt will continue writing and making movies.

Good luck, Walt, and thanks for writing some fiction that I actually invested my time to read.

Civil War Diary, Part 1

We haven't been making great progress in cleaning out my dad's house. I keep getting caught up in looking at all the cool old stuff like photo albums, childhood artwork and schoolwork, and other family mementos. My dad collected lots of interesting old stuff and it's like going through a time capsule. The following is my great, great grandfather's (Lewis Samuel Clovis Howard, 1835-1897) diary (to be posted in parts due to its length) he kept while serving for the Union in the Civil War. I've linked relevant maps and other additional information and retained the original spellings, grammar, and punctuation.

I don't know why he served for the Union instead of joining the Rebels since Tennessee did secede from the Union. Maybe the Union paid better? ;-)

Daily Diary of L.S.C. Howard's Army Record
Sworn in 1861
Discharged 1864

August 10, 1861
Left Morgan County and marched by T. Staples and nine miles to the left of Huntsville and on by Montcella [sic] in Ky. Thence across the Cumberland River at the Horseshoe bend and through Jamestown. And on By Middleburg and by Danville, then to Camp Robinson, 210 miles

Arrived here 19 of Aug.
Volunteered 19th
Sworn in the 20th of August, 1861

October 20, 1861
Remained here until the 20 Oct. 1861, then we received orders to march to Camp Wildcat, 44 miles, which we made in two days and a night. Remained here till

October 28, 1861
Then we received orders to march to London, then according to orders marched to Camp Pittman.

October 29, 1861
Marched to London and remained there some time

December 7, 1861
Ordered to Somerset. Therefore as we marched on the 8th, we passed by Sublinity Spring on the Rockcastle River and on the 9th camped at Somerset.

December 15, 1861
Paid by the Government $40.95

January 19, 1862
A fight is commenced.

January 20, 1862
Victory Completed at Millsprings

January 22, 1862
Marched back to Somerset

January 26, 1862
Left Somerset 5 or 6 miles

February 2, 1862
Left London and marched in the direction of Cumberland Gap

February 4, 1862
Marched to Barbourville

February 12, 1862
Marched to Flatlick

February 15, 1862
Marched to the Cumberland foard

May 22, 1862
Paid $26 by the Government

June 7, 1862
Left the foard and camped at the Moss house.

June 11, 1862
Left the Moss house and marched through the big Creek Gap, then up Powells Valley to the Cumberland Gap the 18th of June

June 20, 1862
Marched to Tazwell 10 or 12 miles. Stayed near a day there then returned back to camps

June 28, 1862
Left Camps and marched to Capt. Mires 1 Regt. E.T. (1st Regiment East Tennessee Volunteers) then toward Knoxville to Kingkades an aid [sic] Rebels near the Clinch River then back to Camps. And crossed Powells R. at or near the Ledmind bend and here at the river we was fired on by the Rebels but we whipped them soon. then marched on to Camps

July 1, 1862
Arrived at Camps.

August 4, 1862
Appointed Corp. and sent to the Provost M.

August 14, 1862
Drummed out of the service one private from Co. "A", E. Tenn. Vols.

August 16, 1862
All moved up in the Gap.

September 16, 1862
Left the Pro. M.

September 17, 1862
17 day about midnight our Regiment left the Gap.

September 18, 1862
18th night camped at Flatlick.

September 20, 1862
Marched down Goose Creek below the saltworks near Manchester.

September 21, 1862
Rested in place until 9 in the evening then marched all that night and in the evening of the 22 we passed by what is called the Goss Spring. It is in Ousley County.

September 22, 1862
Camped on Indian Creek at Morises about 5 miles from where it empties into the south fork of the Ky. River.

September 23, 1862
Marched to Booneville, Ousley Co. by 1 o'clock in the evening then marched to Proctor, 10 miles by a little after day.

September 24, 1862
Rested till evening again then marched across the Ky. river below the fork then marched up the north fork. Taken the Hazlegreen Road at the McGuires Gap.

September 25 + 26, 1862
Marched and reached Hazlegreen 20 miles from McGuires Gap. Marched through Wolf Co.

September 27, 1862
Marched all day and near all night then took up at West liberty 15 miles

September 28, 1862
Rested in place all that day

September 29, 1862
Marched 21 miles adn late in the evening teh bush whackers fired on our skirmishers.

September 30, 1862
Marched in 12 miles of Grayson, Carter County on the head of little Sandy where the cliffs begin to set in and where the bush whackers fired on us again.

Thrilling Physics 2

Recently we took our summer vacation to the amusement park Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio, and also some stops in Kentucky which I'll describe at the end.

This summer the children have graduated from the Thrilling Physics (1) at Dollywood of last summer. Cedar Point is known for its roller coasters (17 in all and three of the top 10 steel roller coasters in the world) and uses the motto "America's Roller Coast" since it's on the shore of Lake Erie. It was cool for the kids to see a lake that looks like an ocean because all of our local lakes are really just dammed rivers and aren't so big.

Even my seven year old rode all the ones he was tall enough to ride. And our favorite was the 310 feet high Millennium Force:



It has to be the smoothest, fastest, and most thrilling roller coaster I've ever been on, even better than Dollywood's Mystery Mine. It is really a pure ride in that it doesn't rely on any special gimmicks like standing (though that is pretty cool) or inverted track (which is actually probably my second favorite one) or lots of loops (an old coaster which I suspect was bought from Opry Land in Nashville after it closed in the mid 1990s). I think the smoothness of the ride adds a lot to the enjoyment, and I don't really like the jerky ones whether they are steel or wooden.

Speaking of wood, we did ride their huge wooden coaster, Mean Streak,



which is aptly named since it was very rough and jerky. I think we got spoiled last year by the unusual smoothness of Dollywood's Thunderhead, still my most favorite wooden coaster of all.

Cedar Point's most extreme coaster is the Top Thrill Dragster:



It is 420 feet high (I wonder why they chose 420 ;-) ) and launches riders to 120 mph in about 4 seconds. It is designed to feel a little like a drag racing car, but my only complaint is that the entire ride is only about 18 seconds long. Well, maybe that is as much as one could handle of this straight up and straight down experience, but the long 1 hour wait in line made it a kind of lopsided time investment. ;-) The Dragster might have been my favorite over the Millennium Force if it had a longer duration (or the wait had been shorter between rides). That initial launch is the only acceleration and there were signs explaining that sometimes a train might not clear the hill on the first try and would have to roll back down to be launched again. I was sort of hoping that would happen to us so that we'd get an extra long ride, but we weren't so lucky. ;-)

We also enjoyed the once record-breaking steel coaster Magnum XL-200, the special effects themed bobsled style Disaster Transport, and the other smaller wooden coasters. Maybe it was because we were there during the week instead of the weekend, but the lines for most rides were very short, except for the newest and wildest ones. The only one of the big rides we didn't try was the Wicked Twister. I might try it if we ever go back, but as I've gotten older my stomach's tolerance for all that spinning and twisting has decreased and by the time we'd been on all those other rides I was worried about getting sickly if I pushed myself too much.

Oh, and Cedar Point's newest coaster The Maverick was pretty good too.



It reminded me a little of Dollywood's Mystery Mine but on steroids. ;-) Again, the line for this one was almost too long, but it was a great coaster with some fun surprises throughout. We only rode it once because of the long lines, but I would like to try it again someday.

I am pretty curious about the technologies used for these new super-coasters and their very fast acceleration. Even on the Millennium Force, as you are climbing that first 310 foot hill, the train actually accelerates midway up, instead of that clackety, clackety slow chain-driven climb on most coasters. I wonder how people might apply these technologies to more practical needs, especially in this time of concern with energy efficiency, etc. Well, if they could build public transportation roller coasters then I think many more people would enjoy not driving their own cars. ;-)

Okay, so maybe these amusement parks and roller coasters are kind of a redneck thing to do, and I've thought about why people enjoy them so much. It's certainly not a "natural" activity to be launched into extreme angles, twists, and descents at high speeds, but somehow it seems to serve a purpose. Or maybe I'm just an adrenaline junkie. ;-)

Aside from the thrilling physics of the rides there were other interesting things about Cedar Point. One of them was that many of their employees were students from all around the world. I saw some from Taiwan, Colombia, Turkey, Poland, Slovakia, and even China. The young guys from Poland and Slovakia were working together in a gift shop and seemed especially amused by my family's choices of souvenir trinkets. ;-)

After Cedar Point

Driving back towards Tennessee we stopped in Kettering, Ohio, where my oldest son got to skate at a famous skate park he had seen on TV.




My oldest is in the bright white t-shirt.


My youngest with a skateboarder's statue.

The way that we discovered we would be so near that park was because we drove past what we jokingly called the "giant white gorilla" that my oldest had recognized as a landmark from some skate-boarding shows. It is actually a huge Jesus statue but at first sight on the road we only saw the extended arms and thought it looked like a gorilla or something. ;-)



From now on we'll always refer to it as the Giant Jesus Gorilla, but of course we mean no offense to Jesus or gorillas. ;-) I don't really worry about God being angry with my irreverent jokes. He forgives me because I make him laugh. :-)

Then in Kentucky we stopped for a tour at Diamond Caverns. I think I could live in a cave, and I've always enjoyed touring them and learning about the geology. Maybe that's because I might be part Neanderthal. ;-)

And then we stopped at the National Corvette Museum so the kids could learn about the history of our favorite cars. Well, maybe a car museum is kind of redneck too? ;-) But really, Corvettes have been a big part of the history of American cars and culture for the last 50 years, and I think it's good for our children to appreciate those kinds of things. It must be doing pretty well because it looked like they are building a large addition to the Museum. With the fuel situation as it is, it could turn out that our sportscars will be more historical than we currently realize.

A couple more things. Another highlight of the trip for me was getting to see a couple of nuclear power plants pretty close to the roads. They are not a common sight for us, and although they might not be all that interesting to most people there is just something exciting to me about seeing them. ;-)

As we drove all through Kentucky and Ohio it was abundantly clear that the economy isn't doing so great. There were many, many large empty buildings and warehouses with signs for sale or lease, and everywhere there were so many houses for sale and/or sitting empty. It looked to me like "America For Sale". But there was also a lot of corn being grown and I wondered how much of it was actually going to food.

Well, I've rambled on too long about our big redneck family vacation. But it was very fun, and it's so important to make memories in these special ways.

My Redneck Heaven

Fifty Hoe Points for the person who identifies the most Redneck Icons in the above photo. ;-)

Well, it really is like Heaven on Earth for me to have this pool in the backyard. The other night I went skinny dipping in it for the first time, and wow, it was so sensual. It was the first time I've been totally comfortable swimming nude, probably since it was in my own pool and there were no worries about getting 'caught.' Besides it's very dark without the lights and no one would have seen me anyway.

After swimming daily for a couple of weeks I'm even feeling more fit. Maybe not looking more fit yet, but that's not my main concern. Hey, I wonder if we could get a tax deduction for building an Employee Fitness Facility? I am on the payroll after all. I bet big corporations get to deduct their fitness facilities. And the pool cost about a third more than our total taxes last year. It seems fair to be able to deduct the difference from this year's taxes, but we all know the taxes aren't quite fair. I might have to look into that anyway. ;-)

It seems pertinent for me to point out that getting to this Heaven has taken a long time. Good things come to those who wait, and all that. Even Snoop Dogg knows that taking it slow is a very effective way of building appreciation and excitement (though there is such a thing as too slow):



Sorry, now I seem to have lost my closing thoughts. Maybe I just need to go skinny dipping again. ;-)