Maybe God hasn't been as amused by me as I had thought. Or maybe the AntiChrist has put a curse on my family. Or maybe we can blame global warming. My own favorite scapegoat of the moment is the accelerating universe. Hey, if the universe is accelerating then isn't everything in it also accelerating (even out of control)? You see, I don't have any more faith in Science as I do God because no scientist has ever done any more for me than God has. At least, as all those self-righteous atheists like so say, where's the proof? ;-)
I'm not sure how many more blows I can take because I'm already feeling very beat up by all the things that have happened in the last few years, particularly this past year and a half. I'm beginning to feel like Job or something. It hasn't even been 5 months since my dad died, and just when I was thinking that I was feeling okay and all that, I've found out that I have a skin cancer. Isn't it ironic? Well, actually, I guess I've really had it 2 or 3 years but just had no clue that it was a cancer instead of a simple skin tag. But then, I have been pretty fucking busy being there for everyone else so that I probably haven't had any time for paying enough attention to my own self.
Oh, no big deal, you might think, blah, blah, blah, it's just a little skin cancer, blah, blah, blah, but if that's the case then you really haven't been paying any attention to what's been happening over the recent past. Yeah, maybe I'm taking it too hard. But you know what? It's times and experiences like this that show us who our real, true friends and loved ones are. You know who you are and who you aren't. Real friends don't dismiss us when we actually need them. Real friends don't turn away and refuse to be there because it's too inconvenient or difficult for them to deal with our crisis. Real friends don't tell us that it's too sad or stressful or depressing to be our friend. Oh, fair weather friends, what a waste of life.
And this is the lesson I've learned from atheists. Because they have no faith in anything other than their own thoughts, feelings, needs, convenience, and so and and so forth, they really can't be real friends and they really can't know real love. They are incapable of sacrificing for others, as the example of Jesus Christ did whether you "believe" in his divinity or not, because it's always all about them - what they want, what they need, what they have time and energy for, what is convenient for them, what suits them, what makes them happy, the list goes on and on...
Do I sound bitter? Well, maybe I am a little bitter about how things are turning out. I really have tried to be there for those I've considered friends and those I love. I really have tried to go above and beyond and to set aside my own needs, feelings, and wants in order to be there for my loved ones. And what do I get for all of that? (What did Jesus get for all of his sacrifice?)
ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?" that is, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
Matthew 27:46
Jesus wasn't asking God that question so much as he was asking his supposed loved ones who ran away and vanished in his time of greatest need. Well, he still swallowed his jagged little pill anyway.
"You Learn" by Alanis Morissette
I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn
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